What's Your Score
I get a little nutty when it comes to my credit score. I am pretty sure that it stems from the financial insecurity and poverty the plagued my family once my father left the family home.
That damn score is the tangible approval from an outside source that I am being responsible, keeping things in order, making sure that I never go hungry again. Do not ask me how I make those connections but I do, however arbitrary or contrived those connections are.
I use a credit card for just about EVERYTHING and I pay it off monthly no matter what. I've used those miles to pay for one European vacation for 6 people and for much of another for two. But my credit card has a "service" that tells me day in and day out what my credit score is.
I watch as it ebbs up and ebbs down and it triggers that feeling in me of panic that, somehow, I might have made a mistake. A company that exists somewhere in the either for all I know, tells me that I've been irresponsible or hands out their approval.
I know this is unreasonable. I know I need to let go. I will eventually.
That damn score is the tangible approval from an outside source that I am being responsible, keeping things in order, making sure that I never go hungry again. Do not ask me how I make those connections but I do, however arbitrary or contrived those connections are.
I use a credit card for just about EVERYTHING and I pay it off monthly no matter what. I've used those miles to pay for one European vacation for 6 people and for much of another for two. But my credit card has a "service" that tells me day in and day out what my credit score is.
I watch as it ebbs up and ebbs down and it triggers that feeling in me of panic that, somehow, I might have made a mistake. A company that exists somewhere in the either for all I know, tells me that I've been irresponsible or hands out their approval.
I know this is unreasonable. I know I need to let go. I will eventually.
Maybe disable that daily update and sit with the feelings that arise
ReplyDeleteI'd tell that update to go to hell! what a nag!
ReplyDeleteI get a monthly report and I have to sign in to get it, so all under control if I want to control my curiosity. I check it anyway and I get a small thrill at the high number even when it goes down a few points because I know what financial insecurity feels like,and looks like, both as a child and as an adult working 3 jobs and still having to decide between rent or food.
ReplyDeleteThe glass half full.....I like your attitude.
DeleteI always pay off the bill before any interest goes on, have done for years. I save for major purchases too, such as a car. I hate to pay interest.
ReplyDeleteI keep an eye on mine; pay bills before they are due or at least on time. And finally set up savings accounts in different categories, like taxes, cat care, cottage maintenance and such so I don't get totally slapped one day with something unexpected. It helps keep me honest to myself!
ReplyDelete