It's My Party
My sweet mom suffered with ovarian cancer for over 7 years. When I say suffer, I mean suffer.
When they first realized she had cancer, it was at a fairly advanced stage, which is not uncommon for ovarian. There are still no really good tests for it. Hers had grown and intersected her colon and bowels. The initial surgery require the removal of all things female and a portion of her intestinal tract. Massive surgery and then chemo followed right away. Sickness and all the things that come with chemo ensued.
After that, there were the years of watching numbers go up and down and responding with new rounds of chemo. I think 5 total. All the while, she dealt with horrible bowel issues, weakness, loss of appetite, loss of hearing, chemo brain, recurring hospital trips for bowel blockages or dehydration.
She was nearly killed by an ICU nurse that double her morphine by accident, treated poorly by underpaid, overworked nurses and put up with God like egos from doctors. She also encountered tender care and empathy.
At no point did any doctor say, "It's time to stop fighting and let's do palliative care", even when life quality was incredibly poor. She just followed what they said, never questioning their advice.
When she died, it was after, once again, being injected with the poison that was suppose to extend her life. We were all there, except for Tommy. He was unable to get there on time.
Her breathe was shallow and she did not show signs of being aware of us. We shared memories. We laughed and cried and when we, as a family, decided how to handle Christmas (it was December 12th), confirmed our plans, she left us for good.
I am aware that we don't really know what we will do until we get there, but I am not afraid of dying. I am, however, afraid of being a human guinea pig. I believe wholeheartedly in making my own choices of how I will live and how and when I will die.
What say you?
ps. this is probably a repeat but it was on my heart.
When they first realized she had cancer, it was at a fairly advanced stage, which is not uncommon for ovarian. There are still no really good tests for it. Hers had grown and intersected her colon and bowels. The initial surgery require the removal of all things female and a portion of her intestinal tract. Massive surgery and then chemo followed right away. Sickness and all the things that come with chemo ensued.
After that, there were the years of watching numbers go up and down and responding with new rounds of chemo. I think 5 total. All the while, she dealt with horrible bowel issues, weakness, loss of appetite, loss of hearing, chemo brain, recurring hospital trips for bowel blockages or dehydration.
She was nearly killed by an ICU nurse that double her morphine by accident, treated poorly by underpaid, overworked nurses and put up with God like egos from doctors. She also encountered tender care and empathy.
At no point did any doctor say, "It's time to stop fighting and let's do palliative care", even when life quality was incredibly poor. She just followed what they said, never questioning their advice.
When she died, it was after, once again, being injected with the poison that was suppose to extend her life. We were all there, except for Tommy. He was unable to get there on time.
Her breathe was shallow and she did not show signs of being aware of us. We shared memories. We laughed and cried and when we, as a family, decided how to handle Christmas (it was December 12th), confirmed our plans, she left us for good.
I am aware that we don't really know what we will do until we get there, but I am not afraid of dying. I am, however, afraid of being a human guinea pig. I believe wholeheartedly in making my own choices of how I will live and how and when I will die.
What say you?
ps. this is probably a repeat but it was on my heart.
My husband and I have discussed this on several occasions, and neither of us wants extremes measures. We have legal POA's and Medical Directives and all that - mostly as protection from his family members (I have no family members). Neither of us wants to endure all that chemo stuff either - we are in our 70's and healthy enough at the moment but should it come to it, near future or a bit more down the road, we will make the best of what is left without medical interference. It's been a good ride and I'm ready for the next adventure when it presents itself.
ReplyDeleteWe have medically assisted dying here in Canada for those who are terminal. I would consider it for sure.
ReplyDeletehere here. Rick and I have gone over this so many times. We each know what the other wants. So we got all the paperwork to be them when they can't speak. We also know that states where we can move to so we can get a doctor to allow us to go on our own when we want to go. Especially since I fear Alzheimer's so much like my father went through. When I get the diagnosis I will not wait until I am in depends and drooling. I will get my affairs in order and say good by to the love of my life and leave this world. I'll meet him on the other side.
ReplyDeleteI am totally in favour of medically-assisted suicide being available to people with the mental capacity to consent to it. It allows death with dignity.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! There are worse things than dying.
ReplyDeletehave an advance directive drawn up. spouse and I both got them this year. we both said in the document "no extra means, morphine for pain, hospice care, cremation. AND NO BULLSHIT!" MDs ain't gods.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your mom had to go through this. I am completely in favour of medically-assisted suicide, which we have here in Canada.
ReplyDeleteI have no desire to suffer and thankfully we have medical assistance in dying here. I would make use of that, say my goodbyes and then slip away.
ReplyDeletei am so sorry to read this.
ReplyDeleteMy mother suffered dreadfully in her last weeks and we were helpless. I have a living will and every couple of years I go to the notary to have it confirmed.
I don't worry about dying, like everyone else I don't wish to suffer but I guess I'll figure it out when it's time. My dad died peacefully even though he had cancer and didn't suffer. His mom, my grandomother, died in her sleep. Maybe I'll be lucky and follow them in a peaceful death.
ReplyDeleteWe know more about palliative care now. It should be conveyed to the patient. When my mom died (also ovarian, 1977) that wasn't even an option. I'm so very sorry your mom had to suffer so. It's a wretched cancer. All are, but that's a really awful one.
ReplyDelete