What’s In A Name
When I was young I thought all dogs were boys and that cats were the girls. It didn’t go much further than that. I didn’t have the wherewithal to figure out the sex part. Just a small child making assumptions and figuring life out. I also remember thinking that the noise I heard are night was stars twinkling. I did know crickets made noise but I didn’t put the two things together.
In first grade I heard Richard, a classmate, call Darren, another classmate, a lesbian. After that, I spent probably 5 or 6 years thinking a lesbian was a person with a large, flat face. Darren had one and it didn’t occur to me that the name meant anything else. Odd how I made that jump. By the time Rosie O'Donnell came on the scene I had figured things out but it made me laugh a bit that she was a lesbian and had a large, rather flat face.
None of that really matters but it’s funny that we start categorizing people and things at a very young age. I have to make myself stop putting people and things in boxes still today. I like order, it makes me feel calm. My kids really help me understand fluidity and letting names and titles go by the wayside. My oldest daughter’s best friend came out as gay in high school. T tends to present as more masculine, uses their given name but prefers the neutral pronouns, such as “they or them” to she or her (and never she/he, just in case you didn't already know). It confuses me a bit. Even now, I wonder if I have the description correct. Either way, I have loved them for close to 20 years. I don’t care how they dress or who they sleep with.
Sometimes, trying to understand people is my way of honoring them. Lately, I just try to take them in any particular moment and let the rest go. How's that for honor?
In first grade I heard Richard, a classmate, call Darren, another classmate, a lesbian. After that, I spent probably 5 or 6 years thinking a lesbian was a person with a large, flat face. Darren had one and it didn’t occur to me that the name meant anything else. Odd how I made that jump. By the time Rosie O'Donnell came on the scene I had figured things out but it made me laugh a bit that she was a lesbian and had a large, rather flat face.
None of that really matters but it’s funny that we start categorizing people and things at a very young age. I have to make myself stop putting people and things in boxes still today. I like order, it makes me feel calm. My kids really help me understand fluidity and letting names and titles go by the wayside. My oldest daughter’s best friend came out as gay in high school. T tends to present as more masculine, uses their given name but prefers the neutral pronouns, such as “they or them” to she or her (and never she/he, just in case you didn't already know). It confuses me a bit. Even now, I wonder if I have the description correct. Either way, I have loved them for close to 20 years. I don’t care how they dress or who they sleep with.
Sometimes, trying to understand people is my way of honoring them. Lately, I just try to take them in any particular moment and let the rest go. How's that for honor?
Yes, we must take people as we find them, on their own terms.
ReplyDeleteI, too, thought cats were female and dogs were male when I was a child.
ReplyDeleteToday I would honour a person’s wishes with respect to pronoun use. It is not for me to say how someone wants to to be referred to. My only concern is I would forget to use the proper pronoun because of my long history with the gender specific pronouns. I would not want to hurt another’s feelings over the issue.
Agreed! Hopefully, if they are important to us, they us to them, they will be patient.
DeleteBest way to honor, ever!
ReplyDelete