Move Forward in Peace

Then Mom touches Elsa's hand and tries to make the question sound as if it is not so terribly important, just something she thought of spontaneously. "What do you have from me?" 

 Elsa stands in silence. Mom looks despondent. "I was just...well, you know, you said you had inherited certain things from your Grandmother and from your father, and I was just thinking, you know...". She goes silent, ashamed of herself as mothers are when they realize that they have passed that point in life where they want more from their daughters than their daughters want from them. 

 And Elsa put her hands over her moms checks and says mildly, "Just everything else Mom, I just have everything else from you".
              ~My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry

It happens so slowly. So much so that it is similar to the frog in the frying pan, where it is subtle enough that you don't realize it has happened until it is too late. But it is how it should be.

I have a friend who insinuates herself ferociously into her children's lives. It handicaps her kids from moving forward and it falsely fills my friend's time, destined to, at some point, reach a brink that she will tumble into.

Life is far more lovely when I don't fight what is natural and good, so I shall not fight.

Comments

  1. anne marie in phillyMay 16, 2019 at 10:15 AM

    and the friend's kids will be stunted for life; they won't be able to function in the real world. I see that around my office with the 30-somethings; they are still depending on mommy to solve their problems.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marie SmithMay 16, 2019 at 11:00 AM

    It is not easy to let your children go but it is essential!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)May 16, 2019 at 12:08 PM

    Hmm....I don't have children so I know nothing. But I see a woman friend who is all up in her kids lives. She had a miserable marriage and an even uglier divorce. Her boys are her life. She invites herself when they go on vacation. One moved from VA to Wisconsin and she will stay with him for a month at a time. When I said how nice it was of him when I saw him last. He rolled his eyes and said, "like I have a choice, she won't let go" My first thought was WOW, I am not the only one who sees this then. She does not see it. I told him that if he wants her to get it, he has to say something, nicely, but say something. So I see this behavior and often wonder what I would do if I got to have children.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Debra She Who SeeksMay 16, 2019 at 1:38 PM

    Little birds gotta fly, little fish gotta swim.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BillMay 16, 2019 at 3:27 PM

    I used to live in a college town and always was surprised how mom and dad did everything for their kids when the school year ended. They would move their stuff to storage while the kid would stay in the car on his device while the parents did the work. No wonder we have a generation of spoil little brats. That's just my observations and thoughts about some parents and their kids relationship, it's unreal. Two words would do it for me, grow up!
    Sorry for the rant.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JeanieMay 17, 2019 at 1:01 PM

    Thoughts well conceived and expressed. We all have to learn to let go and not enable. This current generation seems overly enabled. I'm so grateful I was given wings.

    ReplyDelete
  7. SabineMay 18, 2019 at 4:07 AM

    Sometimes, only sometimes, my daughter tells me what she learnt from me, what she admires and looks up to. When I showed my delighted surprise one time, she said, don't get carried away now, you are still my mum.

    She is now a mother herself and full of questions all of a sudden. We shall see.

    ReplyDelete

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