Friday, May 17, 2019

Just Love

Work has been in flux for far too long.

These days, I find myself in more work related meetings than I want to be doing and the frustration builds on so many levels.

First of all, they are phone meetings with multiple people. Under normal circumstance that has its own issues but with severe hearing loss I find that my body hates the meetings even more than I do. More often than not, I get off the phone and just sit and cry. Perhaps to release the tension of the challenges of the meeting, keeping up on current technology and jargon, etc. But also because as time goes on, I struggle more and more to distinguish what is being said and by whom. By the time I hang up, my body is so tense that I am forgetting to breathe.

Pushing the red button on my iPhone, I rip the damn earbuds out, take a deep breathe and sob for just a little while.

It's ok. I don't beat myself up for it. I am not being dramatic or immature, I am releasing frustration, stress and accepting that "out of control" feeling that I hate so much.

I'm glad I have an ACoA meeting tonight with a group of people I have grown to love and who have helped me grow as a person. Some meetings don't make me hold my breath and it's ok if I can't hear. Nobody needs anything from me, there are no wrong answers....just love.

5 comments:

  1. I can relate to that so much! I don't have hearing loss but for other reasons related to inner ear problems I cannot handle indoor noises and having to listen to several people at the same time. Family dinners and work meetings are exhausting and I usually end up with a red hot face and nausea. People complain that I don't take part but I just cannot. It's easier when things are outdoors for some strange reason.

    At a recent examinations with an ENT/Neurology expert, I was asked how I handle shopping malls and whether I have reduced my social outings/contacts due to these difficulties. These were standard questions to assess hearing/balance issues. It was sad but reassuring to know that I am not a freak.

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  2. Oh brave brave one, I can relate so much to the stress and distress both physical and mental. I retired early at 62 due to hearing loss issues causing burnout. Born with moderate to severe hearing loss, it has slipped, and become severe to profound loss in speech frequencies. I so understand your situation.

    Sending hugs from Scotland xox

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  3. I remember those stressed out, tearful workdays myself. I'm so glad you have your group and a spot where you can destress a bit with others. We all need that.

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  4. It must be incredibly hard with hearing loss and getting stressed. It is wonderful that you have a network where you can just relax and be yourself and not stress out. Wishing you a peaceful and better week ahead.

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