I Have Learned

In ACA meetings, we are suppose to talk about our experience, strength and hope in the expectation that relaying our walk will, somehow, help a fellow traveler. It often does. It can bolster my resolve and renew hope when I am despairing.

 Yesterday my girl texted me that her partner's job ended unexpectedly. So many things are going through my head.

 I am worried about her. I always worry about her but this layers on a bit more.

 I am worried they will move. My boys have left this little town and I can't say as I blame them. Ventura is a wonderful place to live if:

  • You can make an above average income. This is a beach town and not very affordable.
  • You have a pretty significant safety net. You need a lot of back up to keep life on track when things go wrong.
  • You do not have a very specialized career. We are a small town and an hour or two from big industry.
So, my girl and her man have hunkered down and are talking about options and I am here wanting to scream, to give input, to advise and above all to KEEP HER CLOSE. But in all honesty, I cannot. I want her to stay but I want them to be free to make their choices without my influence.....only my love and support.

The things we are called to do as parents....sometimes it feels like surgery, cutting out pieces of our hearts.

I have learned to keep quiet, to support when asked, to love unconditionally and to go to my God to soothe these feelings instead of trying to change the outcome in order to be soothed. And, most importantly, have learned that out of disaster and messes, come beautiful things and great growth.

Comments

  1. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)May 8, 2019 at 4:46 AM

    Beautifully said Linda. Could you teach this to my mother? (step)Everything I have ever done was wrong, every choice I made was "stupid" and I'd hear about it for years. When I was making big bucks I helped them financially and they still found a reason everything I did and how I did it was wrong. It hurts over time, so in the long run you are being so great to your daughter. All while it's killing you to bite your tongue. And believe me she will ask you when she is ready. Right now she is reeling but she will come to you for opinion. Wanna adopt me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaMay 8, 2019 at 6:01 AM

      I want you for a sister! You'd make a rockin sister.

      Delete
  2. ColetteMay 8, 2019 at 2:37 PM

    This is so hard, letting them go. No one prepares us for it. One minute we're bad parents if we don't protect them, the next minute we're bad parents if we don't let them go. I say just know this is something you can handle. Because you can.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My life so farMay 9, 2019 at 6:37 AM

    I miss my daughter. She moved to Vancouver eight years ago and she loves it there but I miss her so much still.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dMay 9, 2019 at 9:03 AM

      I can only imagine. How far is it and how often do you get to see her?

      Delete
    2. My life so farMay 10, 2019 at 7:10 PM

      It's 1000km away and I only get to see her twice a year usually.

      Delete
  4. Silver in AZMay 9, 2019 at 9:12 AM

    I struggle with this on the daily. It's so hard. :: hugs ::

    ReplyDelete
  5. LollyMay 9, 2019 at 9:42 AM

    I don't believe I can do what you just did. I would most certainly add my bossy two cents whether they asked for it or not. I'm proud of you for holding your tongue. Something I still need to learn how to do.

    ReplyDelete

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