It's Ok

The other day my girl comes home from work and I can tell she's down. I wait.....which is something I have learned to do....wait. I am not pro at it, I must bite my tongue, resist the urge.

A few hours go by and she comes in to the room where we sit and out it comes.

Her dad, whom she loves very much, invites her up to a local camping spot. She doesn't especially want to go but makes the effort. She knows how much their camping experiences together were special to him (and her) and feels as if she can stop by for his sake. She gets there and he is not alone. He is with one of the guys from his sober living home. One thing about the sober living homes is that you can kind of tell the men who are trying hard and the ones who really are not. This is one of the guys who appears to be going through the motions but not actually getting it.

The Secret Keeper is happy to see her. After light talk, he seems to need to tell her about a recent problem and explain what happened. He and some buddies got caught fishing without a license and, apparently, the police detained them for a number of hours. As it turned out, they were detained because, since the Secret Keeper is on probation, they looked through his truck. Lo and behold, a syringe (not his of course) was spotted. It was Jo Smoos girlfriend's syringe (of course). And then, since he is on probation, they tested him. He tested positive. He went on to explain to my beautiful girl that he had not used, but when he saw the syringe...he licked it. 

And this addict, crazy in his addiction, thought that licking a dirty syringe would sound better than saying, "Oops, I slipped up and used", or "I am using again, but I am trying hard". Nope, licking a syringe....one little drop of liquid poison and your 300lb body told the cops, yep, there is meth in here. Ah well, who on this planet knows how to fathom an addicts logic.

So, I remember to pray for this man, for my sweet girl and the pain she feels and let them both go. I have no control, no sway, no way to make it better. I am powerless and gratefully so.

Comments

  1. anne marie in phillyApril 15, 2019 at 7:52 AM

    yep, let it go. and I hope your daughter turns her back on the secret keeper; no good can come of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaApril 17, 2019 at 6:30 AM

      I don't think that will ever happen but perhaps she can learn really good boundaries.

      Delete
  2. Marie SmithApril 15, 2019 at 8:39 AM

    It must be hard to see your girl go through this with her father. Letting go is the best you can do, besides listen which you did.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JenniferApril 15, 2019 at 9:57 AM

    That's such a shame. Apparently dad isn't really trying all that hard, either. It's too bad that your daughter has to live with his addict dysfunction in her life. Poor thing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)April 15, 2019 at 10:22 AM

    Oh this must be so hard for your daughter. I'm so sorry Linda.

    ReplyDelete
  5. JeanieApril 15, 2019 at 1:07 PM

    Oh Linda, no words. I really feel for your daughter. She is clearly trying so hard and I know she must have felt the wind out of her sails with this. Sending love and hope for all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BillApril 15, 2019 at 1:20 PM

    It's too bad dad still lies about his situation. Until he can face it and be truthful, your daughter will have to accept him for what he is. She'll learn but it's so sad for her and for him too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. MarthaApril 15, 2019 at 7:14 PM

    How sad. I'm so sorry for the pain your daughter is going through :(

    ReplyDelete
  8. coffeeontheporchwithmeApril 16, 2019 at 4:11 AM

    I am so sorry he had to burden your daughter with his problems. She didn't need to take that on. -Jenn

    ReplyDelete
  9. SabineApril 16, 2019 at 8:49 AM

    That last sentence says it all. You have come a long way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaApril 17, 2019 at 6:27 AM

      Thank you....it is not easy or natural but it is necessary.

      Delete
  10. My life so farApril 17, 2019 at 3:47 AM

    Addiction is stronger than love, stronger than the will to live, stronger than the love for your child. It's like a cancer and I hate it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaApril 17, 2019 at 6:27 AM

      It is amazing how strong addiction is and yet I see that this man wants to live.

      Delete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more