Sunday, January 6, 2019

One Step

Not much sleep tonight. I woke at 3 AM with a lot on my mind. At 4ish I got moving and move I did. It’s so dark, the moon is gone, but I’m taking comfort in it. Driving up the freeway I can’t remember when it’s been this black. The car has a mind of its own and it decided to head north. It drove right past my work without a glance. Just kept right on going.

It’s been an hour or two and the sun is just now offering up a pale blue glow above the rugged silhouette that I can see in my rearview mirror.  The Santa Monica Mountains have never look so lovely.

Any anxiety I am feeling, I’m not fighting it. Just breathing and remembering that it’ll all be ok.

My next moves are up in the air. I’m not sure of anything so I won’t do anything until I am.

Lyrics from my favorite song come to mind. They’ve always spoken to me but perhaps more nowadays.... posted it before but, oh well....

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

7 comments:

  1. Well, maybe you can take a nap later on. I hope to when I wake up too early (about once a week). Keep on breathing. All these things back off eventually. Just take them as they come, appreciate what they are and use the opportunity for growth. I know it's easier said than done, but just keep working on it and things get slowly better. I promise!

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  2. We all want to know the future, don't we? I know I do. But can't know it. It will happen regardless of what we think. I know, I'm hardly one to give advice about letting go:) It's not my forte. Sending hugs.

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  3. A good drive can be very settling, because you're in control of the car. Remember you're in control of your life too and that's the way it should be.

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  4. Wow 2019 brings big change in your life! I hope that whatever the future holds for you it will be very, very good for you!!!

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  5. Driving can be such a good thing. How beautiful to see your world at this time of day.

    In grieving a death, the "common" rule is "don't do anything major for a year." This means, sell your house, quit your job, move cross country -- super big changes that weren't in the plan before the loss. I'm not sure it always applies so specifically with other losses, but your words about not doing anything until you are sure are wise ones indeed. Grieving is more than mourning a physical death. Be kind and loving to yourself and listen to both your heart and your mind. I know time will help even your world out a bit -- it has before, it will again. You will heal. Sending big hugs.

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  6. A drive can be such great therapy! I always destressed on the drive home from work. Take care, Linda. You’ll get there!

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  7. Hang in there...you got this! Whatever is at the end of this hallway is going to be amazing because it is God's Will! Hugs!

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