Enough Already
My mother was far from a perfect woman. She was a good, honest woman and that was good enough. She taught us well. 5 of us learned those lessons, applied them to our own walks as worthy, and kept on going. One of us, not quite as much. I don’t judge him, he has his own walk, his own pain but his pain allows him to set aside some of the core beliefs and values that we acquired from our mom. It’s far easier to live life without him than with him.
In the past, I too let the pain of our childhood taint the way I treated others. Not proud but aware. I try not to do that any more. I was not purposely unkind, unfair or manipulative so much as scared. It came out as rage. There has been a lot of healing from that.....a work in progress but I’m super proud, especially in the couple of weeks.
Life is better when one is not living in fear. Fear of abandonment, lack of control, of not being enough.
I am enough.
Are you? And if so, did you learn that early or did you have to teach yourself?
In the past, I too let the pain of our childhood taint the way I treated others. Not proud but aware. I try not to do that any more. I was not purposely unkind, unfair or manipulative so much as scared. It came out as rage. There has been a lot of healing from that.....a work in progress but I’m super proud, especially in the couple of weeks.
Life is better when one is not living in fear. Fear of abandonment, lack of control, of not being enough.
I am enough.
Are you? And if so, did you learn that early or did you have to teach yourself?
Hi Linda! Great post! I did not EVER feel like I was enough or good. It took years of recovery to get me to see and understand that! Much from working the steps and doing footwork; clearing the wreckage I made and asking others if and how I could make it better...NO MORE SORRY'S just new and better behavior. I love the person I have become but it has been 50 years in the making! Every experience I have had in my life; has molded me into what and who I am today! Hugs to you...you are DEFINITELY enough!
ReplyDeleteBack at you! Thank you for your very honest and vulnerable response.
Delete2 events made me turn around - my cancer diagnosis (30 years ago this june) and 4 years of psychotherapy. I discarded all the negatives and now concentrate on all the positives. I AM FABULOUS, I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!
ReplyDeleteYou truly are Anne Marie and I thank you for being a part of my healing too.
DeleteI think most women, certainly those of us who were socialized in older times, had to learn this on their own. It took me years to unlearn all the crap I'd had foisted upon me as a girl.
ReplyDeleteYet you rock it now! Thank you Debra.
DeleteLove this post. Too ill today to write. But wanted to say, Great post.
ReplyDeleteFeel better Peggy.
DeleteThis is such a thought-provoking post. You are indeed enough. I am too. But the question is, how did I learn it. I was an only and I was truly treasured and even doted on, I think. Loved so much and that was reinforced so much. And that was all good and all true. But I think in my little kid head, I didn't know if that was enough. I think I felt that they had to love me because I was the only thing they had so I tried so hard to be worthy of that. I did NOT do myself any favors with that think. And to be honest, it has traveled with me -- am I enough of a good employee, enough of a creative, enough of a whatever. Somewhere along the way, and I'm not sure I can tell you when, I said, "Enough is enough." I do all I can, what I can and when I can't, I can't. And that has to be enough for everyone else and enough for me.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is.
I just finished reading "Educated" by Tara Westover. It reminded me that the thoughts from our youth, growing up, take a long while to reign in. Sometimes a lifetime. And I am so very grateful that I have come to terms with myself.
Thank you Jeanie. A totally different point a view that a appreciate. I was thinking about picking up Educated. Now I will.
DeleteI still don't think I am enough.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am enough. But it took me a awhile to learn this, and I had to do it on my own. I grew up in a community and in a religion where women were second class citizens. I rebelled with every fibre of my being and paved the road for myself, but even more so, for my two daughters. I will say that my father did adore me and reminded me regularly that I was more than enough. Thank goodness I had such an amazing male role model in my life!
ReplyDelete