tired

In the middle of the night the tinnitus in my right ear changed.

The deep, windy roar is still there. The slightly higher pitch is layered over that. And now, I am hearing my heartbeat. A loud pulsating, swishing sound is pounding in my ear and it's driving me mad. I can even hear my arrhythmia when it is acting up. It's been so long since I have heard quiet that I don't remember what that is like. Each time a new sound is added into the tinnitus, something from the world is taken away. Another thing I will never hear again.

I know I will get used to it just like the others. I know I will learn to live with it too. But I just want to sit and cry for awhile.

I remember grieving is ok. We all grieve big and small things. I suppose this is small in the big picture but it doesn't feel that way right now.

Comments

  1. MarthaNovember 2, 2018 at 4:28 PM

    Sounds awful, Linda. Sending you lots of hugs xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marie SmithNovember 2, 2018 at 5:21 PM

    Oh Linda. It sounds terrible. Sending a hug across the continent!

    ReplyDelete
  3. coffeeontheporchwithmeNovember 2, 2018 at 6:21 PM

    I'm so sorry for you. It must be hard to cope, and to ignore. -Jenn

    ReplyDelete
  4. JeanieNovember 3, 2018 at 6:29 AM

    I hate my tinnitus. A constant companion. So I feel your pain -- or discomfort or whatever we might call it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BirdieNovember 3, 2018 at 2:01 PM

    My brother deals with tinnitus and it has lead him into a heavy depression. It goes away but always seems to come back. It’s awful and you have every right to grieve.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SabineNovember 3, 2018 at 2:21 PM

    So sorry to read this. And it's such a huge burden.

    Is it all the time? In one or both ears? I have this type of tinnitus (pulsatile tinnitus) only in the mornings, by midday it all becomes this one drone. I have an entire tinnituds orchestra and initially, I thought I would go mad but I did learn to almost completely ignore it. I mean, I do hear it all, obviously, but it doesn't bother me really, certainly not to the extent it did.

    And Linda, there is quiet, the peaceful kind. I find it outdoors, or with an open window, esp. at night. You'll find it too. I am sure you will.

    ReplyDelete

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