Holding Space
I already knew. I already knew I was his anchor to this planet. This broken man who is trying to stay sober and not always successfully. He’s working a program and working on his relationships with the kids but every once in awhile I get something like this.
I know he is lonely and sees no future for himself beyond renting a room somewhere for the rest of his life.
I feel sad and a lot of GUILT even though it’s not my responsibility. It just hurts but these days I’m figuring out how to feel those feelings. Just sit with them.
no, it is NOT your responsibility to make him feel better. YOU move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteTrying....seriously trying.
DeleteI don't know the situation here but I do know a lot of people who try to manipulate others through guilt. When they are successful in doing so, they rarely show any appreciation until it's time to lay on the guilt again.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone is the same, of course, but it does seem to be a remarkable pattern.
You are right about that but I don’t think this guy is aware that he is doing it. I could be wrong though.
DeleteI have a mean streak in me. Something I must work on I guess, but that text would have pissed me right the fuck off! In my head I rewrote it by turning the tables and inserting a lot of swear words. A good cry is a good thing, but this text felt like manipulation to me. I don't know him at all, I don't know how he feels or thinks. But I know from reading here that you and the kids lost everything. Maybe he should have been your fucking rock. Sorry. Like I said, I need to work on my meanness. Love you friend.
ReplyDeleteRight back at you. It’s nice having you have my back 💜
DeleteThis is beautiful and lovely. But it doesn't change your relationship. That good cry may well have been sadness that what one once had, expected to last forever, didn't. Letting go is hard for all involved but you are moving forward. There is love and forgiveness that can be separate from everyday. I'm glad you cried. And felt. And now, I hope (and think) you will move forward to caring for yourself as you are doing so well.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wise woman Jeanie.
DeleteIt can’t be easy Linda! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you Marie.
DeleteI understand the pull of codependency. You are wise to resist it.
ReplyDeleteAh the “C” word. I wondered if that might come up.
DeleteHugs to you. Can't be easy.
ReplyDeleteSad for a bit but life goes on.
DeleteCodependency. I have not a single word of wisdom because I live it every day of my life. Pull. Push. Love. Indifference. And me, always walking on eggshells.
ReplyDeleteI know you do sweet friend.
DeleteI hate those fucking eggshells.
DeleteIn the past, I was the one who laid those eggshells on the ground. I try not to do that anymore.
DeleteThis is so very sad but you need to hold your ground. But you know that, I get that much.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would personally explode at the wicker couch bit.
It was the pot fulll of lobelia
DeleteYou have a very supportive group here commenting on your blog and that is wonderful especially coming from a very tough situation.
ReplyDeleteI do indeed.
DeleteOh, that is sad. I'm sorry. But as others have said, he's not your responsibility. If the rest of his life seems bleak that's on him to work out. You know that anyway, though.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
Thank you jennifer.
DeleteI see nothing but strength here. he is trying,as are you. You are strong and need your boundaries for self preservation, but what I love about you is that you still have compassision. that says a lot about you to me. don't ever lose that. Sure, build that wall, but keep a window there so you can still be a warm open person as you are. Do you know what I'm trying to say so poorly here? ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteGood point. I often times feel that this is his attempt to manipulate but that is probably giving him more credit or, perhaps, demonizing him.
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