F.E.A.R.

Do you have any fears based in your head or from your past that have little grounds in reality but affect you as if they do?

My journey has brought me full circle, trying to embrace those fears with hugs, without fighting because that only inflames them and gives them even more power to take me places I wish I have never been and, certainly, wish never to return. But return I do, because I have not surrendered. I have not been able to STOP the war in my head that tells me WARNING..WARNING. SOMETHING IS WRONG.

 Last week it happened. Something entered my life, correction....I invited it in, that left me hysterical and hurting and lashing out. How I hate myself when this happens. How I hate what I do and say.

 The ACAA meeting that I attended that very night happened to be a subject close at hand and reminded me that I made a mistake but I am not a mistake. I did something that was unacceptable but I am not unacceptable. I made my amends which felt small but am moving forward and, hopefully, doing loads better.

I am so lucky to be loved by 4 forgiving kids and a broken ole Boy Scout with a big heart (not to mention a little gargoyle of a dog).

Comments

  1. mxtodis123May 29, 2018 at 3:51 PM

    Your meetings sound so interesting. I'm sure I have some around here. There is so much that I hold onto that must be let go. Your children are so supportive. That's important. I have 4 also and all but one are loving and forgiving. Healing takes time. Took me many years and I still have a little war going on in my head. I enjoy visiting here as I feel we have something in common.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dMay 29, 2018 at 9:11 PM

      Thank You for stopping by. I think it helps when we find someone that can relate.

      Delete
  2. ColetteMay 29, 2018 at 4:09 PM

    I suspect you are being too hard on yourself. If you made your heartfelt and sincere amends, I urge you to remember that is enough. You can do no more. This, too, shall pass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dMay 29, 2018 at 9:11 PM

      💜💜💜
      Thank you Colette. I appreciate you being here and always being such a positive influence.

      Delete
  3. JeanieMay 30, 2018 at 4:14 AM

    You are strong, filled with love and filled with courage. I have faith that you will be fine, cared for and you are loved. Be gentle with you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Marie SmithMay 30, 2018 at 4:23 AM

    Fears I have are related to the health and well being of our daughter and the kids, especially now that she is a single Mom. I have to turn off the internal dialogue whoch focuses on terrible scenarios. It’s a slow process!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)May 30, 2018 at 6:07 AM

    Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves. At times I find we need to look at if this were to happen to someone we love what would we say to them? Would we beat them up about it? Would we make them dwell on it and feel worse? Or would we tell them, hey it's just a mistake. You're an awesome person but nobody is perfect. You've learned from it, you've grown, you're forgiven and move on with love. So next time pretend you are talking to someone you love and bring it home! ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  6. Debra She Who SeeksMay 30, 2018 at 6:35 AM

    We've all been there. Every day is a new day to do better.

    ReplyDelete
  7. JonoMay 30, 2018 at 7:16 AM

    I am glad you can work through these episodes and hope they become fewer and farther between.

    ReplyDelete

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