Act Your Age

As I walked through the crowded room, I felt just like me. Strong, in control, fearless, partner, mother, business woman, runner, daughter, sister and friend.

But then I pass by a mirror and someone else looks back. When did it happen? How did she get here? This woman who has taken so much...who the hell is she?

Gone forever is the daughter...one cannot be a daughter without parents. Lost is the control; was it ever there? The business woman remains but she is the one I like the least. Hidden deep within is the runner but she will never resurface. The sister is still there but so changed that I hardly recognize her. There a big hole where there once was loving closeness...why or how big or how it happened I cannot say.

I sometimes resent this woman. How dare she show up? I am not ready. My friends say "Be grateful...consider the alternative."

I need to make friends with her. I could use another bosom buddy, one who loves me unconditionally. Can't we all use another really good friend? She and I need to make peace. This "mature" woman, who will never....do another cartwheel, run another race, birth another child, kiss her mother goodbye....

She will find new things...she's working on it.

















Comments

  1. anne marie in phillyApril 17, 2018 at 10:26 PM

    love yourself for who you are NOW. think helen mirren or judy dench; GREAT role models for us older women.

    the past is past, the future is around the next bend. kick its ass!

    ReplyDelete
  2. DUTAApril 18, 2018 at 3:11 AM

    The woman in the mirror looks quite beautiful and interesting. Yes, you should definitely make friends with her.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marie SmithApril 18, 2018 at 4:00 AM

    When we stop growing we die. That’s my thought anyway. The thing is to embrace who you are now, knowing you are becoming...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)April 18, 2018 at 6:18 AM

    Okay I am the minority here. I hate aging. I also hate people who tell me it's wonderful and it's better than the alternative as though agings alternative is death. Wrong. Aging alternative is youth, not death, death is the next step. Alternative is the opposite. I do not believe the opposite of age is death. That is sad to even think. People say oh I am stronger now that I am this age. I can speak my mind at this age. Well, I am the same. I was strong at 30 and I'm strong at 62.I had the power within to say what I wanted and I do that now if possible but not hurt to someone. I don't understand why you can't be both grateful you are alive and healthy as well as hating this body that is dying slowly. Why must we love it? We need to accept it but love it? I am a happy person, I don't think about it every waking moment, I am not a narcissistic Kardashian. But I do hate it. I hate that my tits have fallen and i must roll them up into my bra, I hate that my ass is on the back of my thighs no matter the amount of squats I do. I am thankful I have a spouse who loves me inside and out and doesn't care about all the things I care about. But there is a line that made me realize we are never happy about where we are. When I was young I hated all the men who oogled me, said things to me about my body etc. Now I am invisible because I am older. I admit I miss the oogle. I am invisible in a store, I am invisible in a restaurant. I am invisible unless I am surrounded by 90 year olds. We still look great but we aren't 30. I miss that body and face. But I'm still in here so I deal with it the best I can. That is all we can do isn't it? I also dislike when I wriet about this and everyone is all Rah, Rah, Rah, I am old and wrinkled hear me roar. Good for you, but I have should be able to say how it makes ME feel and not be lectured. It is what it is as my mom would say. I don't have to like it but I have to learn to live with it. I have loved myself forever, even as a teen, my mom gave me a strong self confidence. But she didn't get to live to be my age. But I know as sure as I'm typing this she would have bitched about the same things in a fun laughing way. Okay, ya'll can beat me up now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dApril 18, 2018 at 7:53 AM

      The fighter! I too am a fighter. It's not working for me very well these days.

      Delete
  5. My life so farApril 18, 2018 at 7:32 AM

    I went out the other night to listen to a friend's band. I caught sight of myself in a mirror by accident and was shocked to see an older woman looking at me with lipstick on and wrinkles all around her mouth. When I'm looking at my face on purpose I'm not surprised to see my wrinkles but when I see myself by accident it's weird. Inside I don't feel that old but outside I look it. My body feels older, arthritis, GERD, back pain, plantar fasciitis, bad hearing but I don't think old if that makes any sense.

    We lose things as we age and your writing reminded me of that but I've gained patience and some wisdom for which I'm thankful. I've made so many mistakes in my life I should have a little wisdom to show for it:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dApril 18, 2018 at 7:55 AM

      I know the exact feeling. Shock. You are right though, I too have gained much in wisdom and patience but I think I need a bit more and I would like it NOW.

      Delete
  6. ColetteApril 18, 2018 at 10:23 AM

    You get used to it. Not necessarily because you want to, but because there's not much you can do about it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Debra She Who SeeksApril 18, 2018 at 10:51 AM

    Every age and stage of life has something wonderful to teach us, if we will only learn it. Our culture devalues aging women. We need to question why that is and who does it really serve? Not us, my friend, not us.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JeanieApril 18, 2018 at 10:52 AM

    There's only one thing I hate about ageing and that is knowing that no matter how good it is, my time on earth is finite. Could be tomorrow, could be twenty years. None of us know, ever. So, I do my best to live every day in a way that would make me feel it wasn't wasted if it was my last. That doesn't mean overproductivity -- it means feeding my soul, adding the loves with the necessities, making sure there are no fences to mend, no unfinished business. It is never to late to make peace. Even should it not be fully welcomed, you will know you did your best to try. And you may well find old wounds mended. My day is better for knowing women like you who speak from the heart.

    ReplyDelete
  9. maureenlthompsonApril 18, 2018 at 11:16 AM

    Oh how I relate to this. Put into words so well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. MarthaApril 18, 2018 at 1:45 PM

    Ah...the aging process. We all go through it. Every stage so far in my life has had something good to offer.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ShadowApril 19, 2018 at 9:02 AM

    Oh my, I have looked in the mirror and thought the same... time is cruel sometimes, but we are who we are, and I am not the only one, so, be friends with the one in the mirror, after all, all we have is now...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary sr. soun
Read more

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out. Darryl, I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance. Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year. I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether
Read more

Things I Have Learned

 2 1/2 years have passed since I left everything I knew behind me.  Well, not everything. I brought along a Boy Scout, a Scruffy dog and the "stuff" that managed to be important enough to tow behind us.  This journey has been scary, challenging, wondrous, frustrating and, above all, life changing. Or should I say "Linda" changing. Ways I have changed: Fear is no longer the master of my life. It doesn't guide my choices, my relationships or anything else that it once lorded over. I learned for the very first time what unconditional love means. I have received it from a few people in my life but I did not know how to give it. Fear didn't allow it. Boy Scout has given it to me and, now, I am learning to return that gift. Loving him as he is. Joy entered. I look for it. Intentionally I seek it and find it regularly in little things. Even when life throws bumps, I eventually find my joy. Friendships. God how I had longed for friendships and how they eluded me. Th
Read more