Sitting Still

I thought I had nothing to write about but low-and-behold I got my daily email from gratefulness.org and thought again.

When I feared the horrific feeling of pain that accompanied the loss of my dreams I tried to run from it. In doing so, that bastard grabbed me by the neck and tried to kill me. It whispered horrific things in my ear about what might happen and how unworthy and worthless I was. Grief gets mean when you try to shove it away.

When I stopped and realized that every feeling I have is ok, not necessarily good but ok, I could sit with it and see it for what it was....grief. Not being blinded by the grief allowed me to see what was left over from the explosion, the stuff I could still be grateful for.

These days, I sit with a lot more of my feelings than ever before. Not always, sometimes I revolt, fight back. It looks a little like two Tom cats with hair flying and dust spewing, it gets pretty damn ugly. But doing better is always a good thing, so I keep trying.

I say all this with the understanding that there is a spectrum out of the "normal" range. This is not what I am talking about. I never thought of harming myself in any way. I never thought of hurting others (at least not seriously).  If you are in that category, please don't sit with it. There are wonderful people out there that can help. Sometimes the people that love you the most have no idea what you are going through. Sometimes the people that love you the most have no idea how to help. Please reach out and if that doesn't help, reach out to someone else.

Comments

  1. Debra She Who SeeksFebruary 7, 2018 at 2:16 PM

    I like that Word of the Day quotation! And gratefulness.org is such a wonderful website, isn't it -- I love their virtual candles that can be lit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JeanieFebruary 7, 2018 at 2:18 PM

    Truer words were never spoken. We try to be so many things to people, buck up, not complain, not share things that might be too serious or sad or concerning. And yet, think about yourself as a friend. Should someone share something so significant with you, of course you listen. We can be our own best friend or worst enemy. It sounds as though you have found your best friend. And she knows those feelings are OK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dFebruary 7, 2018 at 2:46 PM

      Not always but I am getting better and better.

      Delete
  3. anne marie in phillyFebruary 7, 2018 at 2:27 PM

    I had 4 years of therapy to tell the voices in my head/heart to STFU. and they have.

    be the FABULOUS person you are today and are going to be tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dFebruary 7, 2018 at 2:46 PM

      You are the bomb Anne Marie. It helps when people have walked the path, come out on the other side and share it with we who are still treading along. Thank you.

      Delete
  4. Notes From ABroadFebruary 7, 2018 at 3:17 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dFebruary 7, 2018 at 7:18 PM

      Your comment got deleted here but it came thru on my email. I agree with you. I had one sister tell me to put my big girl pants on and move forward. People will let you down even when you need them most.

      Delete
  5. Marie SmithFebruary 7, 2018 at 4:30 PM

    I love the last sentence! Never give up!

    ReplyDelete
  6. MarthaFebruary 8, 2018 at 7:45 AM

    Such a good post, Linda. You are doing wonderfully. Life is a series of two steps forward, one step back, especially where emotions are involved. One day at a time. That's all any of us can handle. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dFebruary 8, 2018 at 7:55 AM

      A back up cheerleading squad helps a bunch Martha. Thank you.

      Delete
  7. JonoFebruary 8, 2018 at 11:06 AM

    Getting better is self-perpetuating. It is good to know you are on that journey.

    ReplyDelete
  8. bailiFebruary 12, 2018 at 1:12 AM

    i feel so proud of you when i think how long and how hard you travelled dear Linda!

    i think i can realize the strength in your personality now which reflects your self empowerment and it is going great !
    please stay blessed with this positivity and strength always

    ReplyDelete

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