Thursday, November 2, 2017

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out.


Darryl,
I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance.

Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year.

I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether it be an aging former neighbor or a kid next door, would you like for Ashely to feel powerless or even frightened?

The night of that Halloween party both McKenna and her friend were disgusted by your behavior and the only reasons she did not say anything is; 1. It would have been incredibly uncomfortable for everyone concerned and; 2. It might have been hurtful to Annie. Did you give the situation that much thought? Perhaps you and Annie have an agreement but, if so, I would urge you to approach the entire issue as an adult and ascertain whether the object of your attention has any interest, what-so-ever, before proceeding with your predatory behaviors. Perhaps then it would be construed (although I cannot imagine how) as flirting. After all that has gone on in the news, have you learned nothing?

I am disappointed that I had to write this, especially to someone I have always considered to be an upstanding person and a good example of a Christian man. While this was difficult to write, I felt it necessary to do so. I hope that you are simply unaware of how your behavior was received and with new knowledge will not behave in this manner again. I am not perfect and I hope that others feel like they can speak to me when my behavior is wrong. This is one way the world becomes a better place.

You owe my daughter an apology, you probably owe your wife an apology and you certainly owe Trevor, Ashely, your future grandchildren and women in general, a better human being.

Knowing that honesty is generally the best policy....let me have it!

18 comments:

  1. Well said. How do you think it will be received?

    I say, if he was truly offensive, send it. Though it might be more powerful if it is pronouns are changed and it comes from your daughter. (maybe)

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  2. I think your letter is well written and pretty gentle for a situation that was so uncomfortable for your daughter. I just hope there in no backlash against you or your daughter when he reads this, because you never know what he's really like behind closed doors.....

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    1. I've thought of that too Drita. It is a concern but a lot of people are speaking out these days....being brave. I wonder how many other girls have been the OBJECT of his desire.

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  3. I would be concerned about his retaliation as well. He was not who you thought he was on one level. Who knows what he is capable of?

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    1. Honestly, I am taking these comments to heart. Thanks Marie♥

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  4. I can see that you have put so much thought and heart into this letter, but you have to be careful as Drita has suggested.
    I think a note simply letting him know that you are well aware of what happened would suffice. Have you asked your daughter if she is happy for you to take the matter further,
    or thought about the possibility that his wife might open the letter? In the end you have to do what you think is right.

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    1. I did think that I would email him privately. I do not wish to hurt his wife as she and I have always been friendly and I believe her to be a good person.

      Thank you for your thoughts...much appreciated and received with an open heart.

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  5. Perhaps this is going to be an exercise in letting go of the anger and indignation. I'm not sure. I am quite sure that I just don't know yet.

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    1. Take your time, have your daughter avoid him at all costs, and think about everything....
      I was taught early on never to put anything in writing that you may regret later, even though this is about your daughter.

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  6. It is such a difficult situation. We as women get treated as objects and then have to fear speaking out because of retribution. I do think the letter is well written.

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  7. It's a very well written letter. This is a difficult situation. How does your daughter feel about all this?

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  8. Great letter. If you daughter is in support of you sending it,and you don't mind having to hear his excuses and defensiveness, I'd send it. Otherwise, I'd view it as an exorcism. I do quite love your desire to confront him, though. Very brave. Might be better to tell him next time you see him that his drunken leering was creepy for your daughter and you'd appreciate it if he'd cut it out. Then walk away.

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  9. It's an excellent letter. I personally have written many such letters, on different subjects, but strongly worded and passionate letters like that on causes I knew were extremely just. Sometimes they helped, often times they did not. If I were you, I would ask my daughter what she thought. Because ultimately, your relationship with your daughter is more important than your relationship with this man.

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  10. That was a great letter and I have mixed feelings about sending it. I think my criteria for making that decision would rest on whether or not his behavior was just verbal and leering or if he crossed the line to trying to touch, block or anything otherwise physical. As others have said, what your daughter thinks about sending the letter would weigh heavily with me. If he was drinking, I might also consider actually spelling out the details of what he did that was offensive because he might not actually remember or would try to claim she misunderstood. I wouldn't worry all that much about his wife, because she probably already knows what he's capable of and she looks the other way.

    Whatever you decide, we all need to teach young women how to deal with this kind of thing on the spot. Use our voices, use our knees and don't worry about making a scene. If enough women did that the jerks might stop.

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  11. While reading this i found you a soft hearted and generous person Linda!

    i think his behavior to your daughter is not justified with just being "drunk"
    and i think 9my opinion) that you should meet and talk to him face to face if he doesn't change his atitude after reading this powerful message

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What do you have to say about that?