Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Don't Look Back

Met the Boy Scout's ex for drinks (why does it always have to be drinks?) so that he could see their communal dog (Cooper) that now lives with her. It was fine, it was lighthearted, it was pleasant....it hurt.

Thinned skinned me notice every little smile and look, every inside joke they shared from their 30 some years together. The packet of pictures she produced from the big 30th birthday party she threw, where my man lovingly held and kissed another woman (her). They drank the same drink. They gleefully talked of football and the coming season. They laughed over some of their amusing shared partying past (which wasn't all that funny to me). The easy, relaxed way he interacted with her. The way he jumped when she sent him off on an errand as if it was still his job to be her partner. After he left, she talked to me about what I could do for his 60th birthday. Something she had in the back of her mind for 20 years or so... 

It hurt. But the difference is I recognized it as hurt. I owned that hurt and put it on no one else. I felt the pain and worked through it without an argument which would be my norm. I'm OK, we are OK. They were friends, good friends....best friends, They still are but that was then and this is now. The past is past and I have a future to think about.  

Thanks to Al-Anon, Melody Beattie, a wonderful counselor and a plethora of studying, mediation and prayers to get me to where I am. Knowing that I only need me to be OK. Thankful for the knowledge that I am heading in the right direction.


14 comments:

  1. It is always hurtful to be left out. It's human nature to want to be included. xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well done! It had to be difficult but you did well!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Didn't like her by the end of that second paragraph and now?Well....harumph....still don't like her. Love you, tho. Glad you worked it out for and with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's nothing like a loyal friend♥♥♥♥

      Delete
  4. My precious Linda you are very strong woman to bear it with strength and keep going .
    i think no i believe that all such tests come to digg us more to explore our TRUE INNER POWERS to overcome such miseries and develop into a BETTER person a STRONGEST one .

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good job! It's hard to take the high road when you are hurting. But you did it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. From the positive point of view it is really good that the three of you can meet and be both civilised and friendly together. There are bound to be many moments that they have share as a couple that you feel excluded from after so many years spent together. It is highly likely that neither of them had any realisation about the effect that this might have on you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you are absolutely right Rosemary. None of it was meant to hurt. We are all good and I too and glad we can be civil.

      Delete
  7. Taking the high road is always the best for the soul, even though it is often the hardest path.

    35 years ago, a young woman broke up my first marriage. She had many affairs with many of the men who worked with my ex and finally set her sights on him.

    Today on a social media site some friend of my ex and her called them 'the professor and Mary Anne"! So hard not to type something much more suitable, but the feeling only lasted a couple of minutes. Time, I guess, does heal wounds...mostly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well done to you to let it go so quickly. We all feel things but do we unpack and live there?

      Delete

What do you have to say about that?