At times I get so antsy. I think I might be a lot like my grandma. She had a lot of nervous energy and quelled it by chewing Chiclets gum and smoking. Don't get me wrong, she moved around a lot but in small ways, darting here and there, making pot after pot of coffee. I too have a lot of nervous energy. There is a voice inside of me that reminds me how limited my time is on this planet and how I am way too young to start being stagnant. Sitting watching television takes a strange self discipline on my part. I often have to combine it with doing other things. Ironing is a good one, games on my iPad is another. And that is for night time TV.....daytime TV is that much harder. I kinda want to scream, "There's a great big world out there, people to know, places to see, things to do. Why sit and pretend to live when life is outside these 4 walls?" I still want to go do cartwheels on the beach. I want to feel a warm breeze on the streets of Paris, bask in the sun on a catamaran in a bay on Sikinos, lose myself in an old bookstore. Why watch TV when you can watch a sunset? I know there is a time and place for everything but I like the TV thing to be pretty limited.
We went to our church picnic on Saturday. It was fun but I miss the way having young children easily integrates you into the social activities. As an introvert, I have to work hard at being engaged and seeking people out. I will hone in on one person and go through my mental repertoire of what I remember about them and what I can ask. After hitting a stride, hopefully I get to do what I do best, which is actually getting to know a person. Not the surface shit like what they do for a living but why they chose their profession and what they love about it. Or figure out through questions how they relate to others. I want to know what makes them tick not what they feed Fido.
Afterwards we went home and the Boy Scout napped. I got disgruntled, feeling antsy again, and picked a little fight that, thankfully, was over quickly. I need to find ways to burn my energy on my own. When my life started over at 51, I thought I might find someone that would be really active like me. But I fell in love with a guy who is far more kick back and whose body has been beat up by life. His laid back attitude is a very good compliment to my tightly strung self. I am grateful.