I've moved on. I have learned to forgive and feel a compassionate love for a very sick man and I am still learning to forgive myself for the ways I failed him and my kids. I know that I did the best I could at the time but my eyes have been opened about the walls I had erected around me and the persistent intermittent anxiety that I unconsciously blamed on the behaviors of the people around me.
From a bad situation, I am learning so much about unconditional love, acceptance, living one day at a time and breathing. I have learned that Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics have a tremendous amount of peace to impart if you are willing to put in the hard work. I have learned that changing the way you walk in and react to this world is very easy to say but incredibly hard to do but well worth the effort.
More than anything I have learned that we all have good and bad things going on in our lives. We get to choose if our focus is lamenting the negative or being grateful for all the good....even if there is little good and a lot of bad.....we get to chose our focus.
I choose grateful.