Yesterday was Fathers Day here in the US. My father has been gone a good many years now. My kids father is no longer a prevalent part of my life and the Boy Scout is not a dad. So Fathers Day was just another day.
We took a ride and ended up in two small towns; Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo. San Luis Obispo is home to a top ranking state university, California Polytechnic State University - San Luis and what is commonly referred to as Cal Poly. San Luis is an adorable little college town with fun and funky shops and lots of good food. It was a nice day with some lovely sunshine and good company.
While on our excursion I got a couple of texts and found out that my girls were spending the day with their dad. Very sweet. They all went to church together and then spent some time down at the beach. It is, and has always been, one of his favorite places. So glad they got to spend some special time together.
For a few moments, after getting the texts, I got a little butt hurt. My Mothers Day had been a bummer....more because I was feeling down than anything else.....missing my Mom a ton, but it was bad just the same. And then, low and behold, I got this:
and I was reminded that I have a choice about how I feel today and any day.
And then a kinda bright star when I realized, after getting this text, that I was proud, really proud, of myself. I rarely say this so I am loving the feeling. When my marriage blew up, and BLEW UP it did, I could have fostered bitterness and fear. I could have whispered horrific things in my kids ears about their father, but I did not. Once I got over the initial shock of all that had taken place the five of us worked together to come to a place of attempting to understand, of learning about Bi-Polar disorder and the behaviors that can go along with it. Together we learned how to place good boundaries, how to forgive and, above all, increase our level of empathy, allowing each of us to, in our own way, build a new relationship with a very broken man. The four of them may have gotten to where they are all on their own but I am glad that I didn't try to stand in the way. I didn't do it all perfectly but I did it well enough to be proud of myself.