Wednesday, March 1, 2017

I Am Not

February 28 in the Little Blue Book – One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
We are advised to detach our minds and emotions from the problems created by alcoholism. This does not mean detachment from the alcoholic, who needs our loving understanding. When I learn to disentangle myself from a difficulty, it will be easier to think it through. I will remind myself to pause and analyze. This will keep me from impulsive decisions and give me time to devise constructive action. Each time this happens, it may seem a small conquest, but each helps me build a serene stability.

The words from One Day at a Time do not always speak to me in a compelling way but we are taught, in Al-Anon, to take what we can and leave the rest.

I do not currently have an addict / alcoholic in my daily life. That does not mean that I have ceased being an Al-Anon. I gathered tools as a child that helped me cope with the life I had been given. They were useful and made my life more manageable at the time. Those tools were barriers against pain and abandonment, barricades the prevented exposing myself to the world because deep within my heart I was of little value. They kept me from getting hurt again and again.

Those tools are ill adaptive for a rich, full life. Now they prevent me from loving freely (one cannot love freely if they fear abandonment and betrayal) and inhibit vulnerability.

I have said it before and will say it again, “Al-Anon is the cheapest therapy you will ever get”. What I received from the above reading is the ability to recognize and CELEBRATE the small victories. I may still be taking two steps forward and one step back but that is OK. I am moving forward and seeing real progress. When another person points out what I am doing wrong, I will know it is more because they are afraid of looking at themselves than it is my lack of progress. I am more than acceptable; I am loveable and deserving of love. I am worthy of a person who is honorable and honest and who will try to understand that I have my limitations and that those limitations, though always moving and expanding, should not be belittled or minimized. I am worthy of having the people in my life love me for my imperfections as well as my excellent characteristics.

Most importantly, it is not my job to try to force this rich, full life from someone who is unable to give it. It will happen or it will not, but I cannot make it happen. I am not God. I am NOT God. I no longer play God. I no longer control anything except me (and sometimes I don’t do that very well).


Happy, happy hump day

5 comments:

  1. “Al-Anon is the cheapest therapy you will ever get” -- I think that's very true and very perceptive!

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    1. changed my life so I must pass it on.

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  2. You are indeed moving forward! This is excellent!

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    1. Thanks Martha. Been thinking about your move and your poor kitties. Hope they are doing better.

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  3. This was a good one! Thanks.

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