Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Learning to Love

In my early teens, like a lot of girls, I really wanted was a boyfriend.

Boyfriends proved to be elusive. I was skinny and awkward and angry. I was sporting and still sport my glorious ALMOST "A's".  I had a tiny waist but that didn't help matters because my hips were only about an inch bigger than my waist, hence my frequent comparison of my figure to that of a 12 year old boy. I was a speedy and competitive tomboy that guys considered their buddy if they considered me at all.

Once, at a friend’s house, there were a group of kids hanging out. Somehow, because my memory is very foggy, everyone broke off in pairs. How I ended up with a kid that I didn't know and cannot come up with a name or face, is beyond me. What I do know is that we kissed but very little and I was utterly uncomfortable. SAVED by my girlfriends’ mother who came out to bring sodas, I was able to extricate myself from the situation and felt I had dodged a bullet. Relieved about the whole thing until the next day, I found out that the guy was going around bragging to his friends that he and I engaged in a sexual act that I, being rather naive, had not even heard of let alone participated in. A few days home "sick" helped alleviate some of the embarrassment but a excellent case of hepatitis A very soon after cured what ailed me. I missed the last two months of 8th grade and started at a new high school, never seeing any of the kids that I had grown up with again.

Now a days, I am learning to love the idea of myself with or without a man in my life. I know now that I have been looking for someone (even way back in JR high school) to tell me I'm ok and that they will never leave me. People can't promise that, but I can! I can promise to be true to myself, to do things that make me healthy, to do for others out of love and not for some sad reason of hoping I will be loved or accepted more. 

It's good to know why I made the mistakes; now it's time to change the behavior. 


  1. Oh, those teen yearsI remember wanting a boyfriend and thinking there must be something very wrong with me when I didn't. If I knew then what I know now, right?

    1. If only!!! Better late than never though, right? :)

  2. It's a good thing we grew up when we did, in one respect. Can you imagine how far, fast and furious that "fake news" bragging would have gone in today's internet world?

  3. I would never go back to my teens, I hated that awkward phase. I honestly don't think I've ever understood boys/men and think that learning to understand ourselves is a good place to start. ☺

  4. Your first paragraph sounds like an exact description of me in high school. My friends were the guys. Most of the girls didn't like me because they thought I was taking their boyfriends away which was crazy (to me) because I don't think the boys even thought about me being a girl! They tried to spread some rumors, but luckily, I was pretty much one of those invisible kids and the school was big, so stories died as fast as they came up.

    I'm glad you got to start over at a new school.


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