Sunday, January 15, 2017

Progress In The Right Direction

When I started this blog, I half believed I was a crazy person and just needed to put things on paper (or computer) to sort them all out. Now I do it so I can keep track of this incredible walk I am on called life. I popped into my office this morning before my run and the blog called out to me, begging to be addressed, impressed, acknowledged and inscribed.

I've got no big thoughts on my mind. Just a heart that still searches for peace and a desire to connect with others on the same walk. On dictionary.com the 6th definition of PEACE is ~freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, obsession, etc.; tranquility; serenity. 
I'll take a number 6 please, heavy on the freedom. 

Slowly, and I will repeat...SLOWLY, I have seen changes in me. Others may not notice, but the inner storm is quieter, the self-talk is not so nasty and negative, the anxiety not so persistent. I am doing better little by little. If I had known how hard it was going to be, I may not have started but it's been worth the effort so far and I've no intention of stopping. 

We saw the movie 20th Century Women last night. I didn't love the movie but I did enjoy it. One part, the young man reads a bit of an essay to his mother, trying desperately to connect and understand her. The essay is "It Hurts To Be Alive and Obsolete". It resonated...."Listen to me! Think what it is like to have most of your life ahead and be told you are obsolete! Think what it is like to feel attraction, desire, affection towards others, to want to tell them about yourself, to feel that assumption on which self-respect is based, that you are worth something, and that if you like someone, surely he will be pleased to know that. To be, in other words, still a living woman, and to be told that every day that you are not a woman but a tired object that should disappear. That you are not a person but a joke. Well, I am a bitter joke. I am bitter and frustrated and wasted, but don’t you pretend for a minute as you look at me, forty-three, fat, and looking exactly my age, that I am not as alive as you are and that I do not suffer from the category into which you are forcing me".

Wow! A whole nuther blog post I think.....

3 comments:

  1. I like that 6th definition of peace -- it resonates with me too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like that 6th definition, too!
    It's wonderful that you are doing better. Even if it's little by little. Every step forward is great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Martha. Have a peace filled day :)

      Delete

What do you have to say about that?