Thursday, December 8, 2016

"No More"

Patterns in our lives can be destructive and so very hard to recognize. I'm reading Codependency No More by Melody Beattie and have seen myself in the book over and over again. The Karpman drama triangle in Chapter 8 is standing out at the moment.

This chapter deals with rescue and care-taking. We rescue because we don't feel good about ourselves. We rescue because it is easier to do so than to deal with the feelings we are feeling when someone we care about is suffering or in need. We rescue because it makes us feel better about ourselves or feel more in control of an uncomfortable situation. We rescue whether we are asked or not....whether the rescued are completely able to care for themselves.


Rescuing or "care-taking" breeds anger when the rescued let us down or rejects us or our advice. We get angry at the rejection and attack. Afterwards, we become the victim, pointing out all that we have done for them.

Seeing the pattern is the only way to move forward. I'm grateful for the idea that I am not responsible for what others are feeling. Even thinking about it right now gives me little pangs of anxiety.

I will attempt to help only when asked and when it makes sense in my life. 

4 comments:

  1. I struggle with this in my daily life, and also my job. I have to be aware that when I'm giving care to my clients I'm not caretaking but caregiving. Caretaking involves taking away once ability to care for themselves. Caregiving means assisting people to do all they can for themselves and the tools to do that. When I start to get resentful I need to take a step back and figure out why. My greatest gifts can turn to my greatest weaknesses if I don't pay attention. I make a great caregiver but I also make a terrible caretaker. It so about balance.

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    1. As usual, your wisdom has given me some insight and hope. Thanks Birdieđź’ś

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  2. Wow, I really needed to read this today. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and even at age 65 I struggle with these issues every day. I should read that book.

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    1. It's interesting and helpful. All I know is I need change so I keep digging. Have a great day Colette.

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