I'm feeling a little empty inside, numb. I know it will pass but for now it lingers, following me in my day and disturbing my slumber.
People will let you down...I know I let my people down all the time. But some will excuse and justify, apologize and minimize. I'm feeling the pressure to put a decent size hurt behind me; as if one good action cancels out a bad one.
It is my heart that has to come to terms with the pain and disappointment. I suppose in the fullness of time it will be able to do just that...pack it away in a box and tie a pretty ribbon around it. I won't just forget, I certainly won't downplay the incident. I used to do that before and that didn't work out all that well. I'm done being the proverbial ostrich. I'm finished pretending that actions do not speak far louder than words.
Have you ever gotten to know someone and realize that things just don't add up? Red and yellow flags fly up in conversations that lack consistency with previous statements or stories. People like that seem to have little self awareness, believing their own narrative or excuses but deep down somewhere, a voice within you is saying something is wrong. Is that intuition? Is it just lack of trust? I'm not sure.
I want to move forward but my body feels like hyper-gravity has kicked in. I'll take it one step at a time.