Monday, October 31, 2016

Regrets and Misgivings But Mostly Love

Rain, glorious rain. I'd forgotten what it looked like, what it smelled like. Beautiful beyond words.

This little house I bought is now home to me, my Boy Scout, one French bulldog, two Clumber Spaniels and a tropical jungle full of plants. While having two big, hairy, white, outdoor dogs is much more conducive to dry climate, the garden has suffered since I purchased the place. Palms, ivies and fruit trees have done OK for the most part but the avocado tree and the delicate ferns, not so much. After receiving my first water bill in excess of $400.00, I had to cut back on usage (there's a drought here in California). Wednesday the tree trimmers will come and take out the giant avo tree which monopolizes the air space in the back yard. Hopefully, the other plants will start to thrive after it is gone and we will be able to start planning the landscaping.

The Clumbers are leaving soon and I have very mixed emotions. When they moved in, it was out of necessity as my Boy Scout's landlord was unhappy having them there.  The problem is threefold. These two guys are pretty sweet in personality but they smell (big time) and I happen to have a super sniffer. Additionally, they shed....and shed.....and shed. And finally, they moved in when I still had two kids living at home. They took up residence in a small patio area that is nestled between my teeny house and the garage where my son was living. I had meant for this area to be a kind of living space as the house is not even 800 sq feet. Problem is it's hard to live in a space with a rather bad smell and mounds of white hair. All that being said, my Boy Scout loves these guys to death. They are his "kids". He talks to them in Clumber language (which sounds a bit like Creole) and professes to know what they are thinking at any given time. 

When he announced to me that his ex would be taking the "boys" I had some relief, guilt and regret all mixed up. His ex was able to afford a very expensive trip to the vet and, miraculously, the boys smell a TON better. If I had known......would things have been different? I could have afforded that bill but I struggle with healthy boundaries when it comes to the man. We are partners in many senses but we have not become partners with our money. 

The best part of this situation is that these guys are going to get to be inside with the ex. They want to be with their people but with the smell, shedding and already overcrowded house, the guys were relegated to outside only. For the most part, they sit by the french doors looking inside for their people. That will all change for them. I think they will be happy, the ex will be happy but my Boy Scout will not and that makes me sad. 

My love for the man prompts me to do something to change this but my Al-Anon has taught me that my job is just to love, not to fix. Any fixing or changing belongs to him. 

4 comments:

  1. I used to love having dogs but now they just mostly exhaust me. I have become a cat person.

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  2. I hear ya! The dogs are so much work but my Frenchie sure helped me get through the last few years. She puts a smile on my face.

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  3. It is SO hard not to try to fix. It would be a great relief to let that go.

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    1. I hear you Colette. I didn't even know I had a problem with control until I went to Al-Anon. Then it all made sense. Unfortunately, knowing and doing are two different things and I find myself fighting the old me and the new me that allows others to do what they need to do....fighting their own battles and staying out unless specifically asked. Doing better but a long way to go.

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