Fears often control my thoughts or actions. I hate that it is that way but I developed that coping mechanism long before I was aware there was such a thing as a coping mechanism and getting rid of it has proved to be a full-time job.
Distinguishing between a fear and intuition it a tough one. Knowing when your heart is trying to protect you or when it may be constructing a fortress can look surprisingly similar Recently, when having a heated discussion (OK, OK....a full out argument), I needed to step back and look at what was prompting the fight. Was it legit or was it fear? I couldn't honestly say which so I went back to my Al-Anon work and then did some research on the internet and according to Dr. Judith Orloff here are some tips on figuring out the difference.
Signs of a Reliable Intuition
- Conveys information neutrally, unemotionally
- Feels right in your gut
- Has a compassionate, affirming tone
- Gives crisp, clear impressions that are “seen” first, then felt
- Conveys a detached sensation, like you’re in a theater watching a movie
Signs of an Irrational Fear
- Is highly emotionally charged
- Has cruel, demeaning, or delusional content
- Conveys no gut-centered confirmation or on-target feeling
- Reflects past psychological wounds
- Diminishes centeredness and perspective
The argument most definitely had a mean voice. It told me I was being a fool to tolerate the situation. It told me to do something about it now. It was chock full of every item on the irrational fear list. Well, fuck me. The thing is...the situation we argued about was assuredly a reason for a real hard discussion. It called into question behaviors and intentions that were sucky.
Deeeeep breathe……….quiet the rage and the fears…..breathe in love, breathe out fuck heads (oh wait!!!! I mean anger). OK, so I’ll keep trying