An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Rain, glorious rain. I'd forgotten what it looked like, what it smelled like. Beautiful beyond words. This little house I bought is now home to me, my Boy Scout, one French bulldog, two Clumber Spaniels and a tropical jungle full of plants. While having two big, hairy, white, outdoor dogs is much more conducive to dry climate, the garden has suffered since I purchased the place. Palms, ivies and fruit trees have done OK for the most part but the avocado tree and the delicate ferns, not so much. After receiving my first water bill in excess of $400.00, I had to cut back on usage (there's a drought here in California). Wednesday the tree trimmers will come and take out the giant avo tree which monopolizes the air space in the back yard. Hopefully, the other plants will start to thrive after it is gone and we will be able to start planning the landscaping. The Clumbers are leaving soon and I have very mixed emotions. When they moved in, it was out of necessity as my Boy ...

Lunch with my youngest girl yesterday provided one of those moments where your heart breaks and melts at the same time. The feeling of pride and regret can live simultaneously in the moment but the combination had us both in tears.  We were discussing her dinner the previous night with my oldest girl and their dad (the Secret Keeper). They had planned ahead and my girl had texted him to reinforce where dinner was but he ended up in the wrong place again. They finally got him to the correct restaurant and had a nice dinner but she expressed to me that he was just a little off. Medications for mental illness are powerful, necessary and not always user friendly. He tries so hard to be that goofy, joking and loving father that once was so easy for him but is work, very hard work these days.  As she and I talked, we both recognized that his effort made us feel pity.....and how pity doesn't help anyone!!!  I never want to be pitied and feel certain that there are better ways...

The past week has reminded me that I have no control over anything but myself (and sometimes not even that) and that I have to trust my Higher Power for peace and remember my job to be grateful. I am grateful that my Chica-girl has the incredible strength to keep trying. Striving for a sense of peace and practicing a tremendous amount of self care in order to move forward. Stepping out even though it can be a very scary world and asking for help at a time that many others cut themselves off. Grateful for my Gigi who got pretty darn sick in the last 48 hours and reminded me that I am still needed and valued as a mom even though there are no kids living in my home (unless you count the Boy Scout, who happens to be the biggest kid in the world). For the girl I call a Tornado, who stepped up and attentively cared for my Gigi in my absence. It's nice to have someone with a strong voice as your advocate when you are feeling w...

Fears often control my thoughts or actions.  I hate that it is that way but I developed that coping mechanism long before I was aware there was such a thing as a coping mechanism and getting rid of it has proved to be a full-time job. Distinguishing between a fear and intuition it a tough one. Knowing when your heart is trying to protect you or when it may be constructing a fortress can look surprisingly similar Recently, when having a heated discussion (OK, OK....a full out argument), I needed to step back and look at what was prompting the fight. Was it legit or was it fear? I couldn't honestly say which so I went back to my Al-Anon work and then did some research on the internet and according to  Dr. Judith Orloff  here are some tips on figuring out the difference. Signs of a Reliable Intuition Conveys information neutrally, unemotionally   Feels right in your gut Has a compassionate, affirming tone Gives crisp, clear impressions...

The weather is finally turning a bit. Last week’s blasts of furnace like heat has been replaced with perfect sunny days that are complimented by occasional cool breezes. Waking this morning brought the surprise of a little chill (meaning somewhere in the mid-50's) and the need for my furry slippers that were buried deep within my closet.  Waking with the weather on the cool side makes for perfect running conditions, yet today I opted for warm snuggles with my man. Unfortunately, the cooler weather also brings our farty , snorty , snoring dog that creeps up and hides, tucked somewhere within the folds of the Boy Scout's warm sleeping body. He pretends he doesn't notice but I know he's full of it.  Fur and smelly dog slobber does not intimidate the Boy Scout in the least but I am utterly adverse to it, especially on the pillows where I lay my head or the blankets I tuck under my nose. Yesterday afternoon we played golf with a new friend and I realized that t...