The black fog has lifted and I am back to being myself. This morning I woke to a daily email from Gratefulness.org, which I recommend highly to start ones day. Today's reminder;
WORD FOR THE DAY
I dwell in possibility.
I don't always dwell in possibility but it is a great reminder to start the day that way and move forward with hope.
Looking forward to a long weekend but not so much to the party that we will be attending Saturday night. I sometimes envy those social beings that think there is nothing better than walking into a crowded room and make their way through to see who they know or might get to know. I've never, ever felt that way.
The Boy Scout and I have maneuvered through such situations but not without some ugliness and heated words. He, being the ultimate extrovert who enters a room with the attitude of "Who is going to be lucky enough to meet me tonight", now knows that it's far better to give me some time before he goes to mingle. The first party was horrific! We walk in and he quickly disappears, DISAPPEARS...as I walk aimlessly around not knowing a soul. Room to room I prowled, looking for him or someone I can even say hello to or, better yet, the fucking front door where I could desert him as he had done me. I still don't have a clue where he ended up for 10 or 15 minutes. We stayed awhile longer, while I pasted a smile on my face but inside I seethed. My head, often times being my worst enemy, said things like, "Where was he....getting stoned with a friend?" or "What was he doing....getting a few drinks in him while you're not around to watch?". As far as I know he did neither but my mind took me there like a high speed train. On the car ride home I turned into the Tasmanian Devil; not pretty.
Now we have some pretty good ground rules. He doesn't leave my side without talking and I let him know if I feel at ease enough to cope. With our agreement comes a little more peace for me and, over time, perhaps there will be a shift in my comfort level so that he feels free to do what it is the Boy Scout does.
Knowing that I can trust his actions frees me up to Dwell in the Possibility.