We're going through a bit of a heat wave in Southern Cal. In Ventura, because we are a coastal city, very few people actually put A/C in their homes. The weather here is temperate and the blasts of real heat usually last only days. Sunday was a scorcher, so the Boy Scout and I made our way to the pool to cool off and then shower up (we are on week 4 without a bathroom).
The pool wasn't packed but there was a good smattering of little ones playing and screeching and making the most of the heat and the cool water. The peals of laughter were too much for the Boy Scout to resist. We made our way over to the edge of the indoor pool which has a proper view of the outdoor pool where most of the activity was taking place. Truly, I have never met a man that loves children the way my man does. As we watched, we had a running commentary....."Look at that bruiser" or "Blondie can't contain her excitement” and "That young dad with his 4 little ones looks like he's 17". I think only old people say that but ah well.
As the Boy Scout watched with a big smile, he would full out laugh whenever amused by the antics of one or another child oblivious to the fact that they had an intent spectator. I felt a deep sadness that surprised me. Later, while watching a movie, it happened again. This man of mine, in his prime, gave up on promising relationships because the women involved did not want children. One thing he knew as he processed through more gals than I can count was that he wanted children. When he finally married, they talked of having a family but it never happened for reasons that are not mine to tell. Later he focused on fostering relationships with the children of his friends and family and was a "Big Brother" to a local boy who lacked a positive male influence in his life. As we watched the movie and Bridget Jones gave birth to her baby, I ached for him to have never been a part of what I would describe as the most awe inspiring and spiritual experiences of my life. If we were 10 years younger, I'd consider doing it again.....at 43 I could have.
When I expressed some of what I felt, he ruefully smiled and then brightly said, "We will get to do it with our grand kids though". He pointed out that if he had that family he so wanted that we would probably never had met. He has the ability to look on the bright side. I love that about him and I'm so glad we have each other.