Thursday, September 22, 2016

Big Girls Do Cry

I am not a writer. I am a woman, mother, partner, sister, orphan and, sometimes, just bat-shit crazy. Today, feeling more emotional than usual, I wonder what it is that causes the feeling of needing good cry and whether I could put it into words.

To be sure, there are many things in this world to cry about. There is pain, hunger, sickness and violence or simply seeing someone I love hurting. I think of little Victoria Martens, who had the unfortunate luck of being born to evil incarnate.  Or of all the African American men who cannot walk or drive the streets of our country with the comfort and confidence that I am afforded. Of politicians that can say and do anything they want and still be followed like demigods. Honestly, if the tears flowed every time I heard a heartbreaking or maddening story they would rarely cease.

The funny thing about crying is that it is not just for sorrow and pain, it is for joy and relief too. I read that Dr. William Frey, Biochemest and "tear expert" says that reflex tears are 98% water but emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying in addition to stimulating endorphines. COOL.

I was thinking about occasions that have brought me to a full out cry and they run the gamut.
Just us girls.
  • The day my kids were born. Each one leaving breathlessly in awe.
  • Many times, in the loneliness of the last five years of a marriage that left me longing for options that I was too afraid to consider.
  • The song, Tale As Old As Time from Beauty and Beast. Probably because it reminds me so much of my kids when they were little, but it always brought tears to my eyes.
  • Putting my dog Theo down three years ago.
  • The utter relief upon seeing my youngest walk in the door after she was in a car accident where the vehicle rolled. 
  • Comforting my father as he left this world.
  • The anguish of finding out that my partner was using porn and feeling, once again, that I could never measure up.
  • Numerous times, after meeting social obligations that directly confront my inner introvert. Sometimes, you just need to release.
  • Each time one of my kids headed off to college.
  • When my partner is asleep and I realize how much of my heart he owns.
  • The day my mother died and we surrounded her, bound together by the ribbons of her love, and handed her over to a God that loved her more than we ever could. 

Joy and sorrow mixed in. A good cry can be a balm as it calms the soul, sort of re-centering and reminding me that I've been there and done that before and I can do it once again. Pity the man, woman or child who cannot or will not cry. Its healing powers are tremendous.

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