Finding dynamic forgiveness and a healthy spirit in the face of betrayal and addiction.
Friday, September 16, 2016
A New Way to Hear
A Different Kind of Beauty
I am not so sure I like what I see today. Sags under the eyes, a mass of hair twisted into a low ponytail, my ears completely exposed.
It took me two years before I’d let this much of myself show. My bottle blonde hair and palette of cosmetics usually help me blend in with the other moms who drive their children to sporting events on a warm summer afternoon. I turn the wheel, hoping to avoid the stark reflection that stares back in the rearview mirror.
A profile of me with the low ponytail says it all: There is something different about me. I am wearing hearing aids.
The chatty crowd becomes a little more subdued (at least I imagine that it does) as I walk past them with my behind-the-ear hearing aids in full view. This is the first time these moms with their casual T-ball attire have seen me with my hair pulled back.
As a child, I walked up to complete strangers and introduced myself just to make them smile. How can I face these moms now who usually see me as I want them to, an extrovert who likes jumping into their conversations with a gracious nod as if I’ve heard every word they said?
“By his stripes we are healed,” writes ancient prophet Isaiah. “Only when we accept the truth of our brokenness can we be healed,” reads my latest journal entry.
How could God allow this to happen to a young body; progressive hearing loss on a seemingly healthy body?
I force myself to face the mirror, face the moms and their polite stares, face the cruel reality that has a surprising hint of beauty behind it.
This is who I am. I am slowly going deaf. This was meant to happen, to help me hear beyond what comes through flawed ears. This has made me different.
My heart has cracked open and now it can hear everything that it didn’t hear before.