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One of the “sayings” in Al-Anon is about expectations. What I gather when they say “Expectations are premeditated resentments” is that when we are dealing with our “qualifiers” or any of the people in our lives, it is very good to learn not to expect anything. The Bard of Avon himself said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache”. I’m not one to argue with Shakespeare but… I do believe that we should always hold onto the knowledge that the when dealing with our own hearts, our own attitudes, that we have a choice.
I expect to be in a better place a year from now. I have the tools; I have been putting in the hard work, been trying and failing and trying again. It’s such a bummer because when I fail, others can point that out as “the problem” and neglect to look at themselves, but I know that it is me I have to deal with and when I get to where I am going, I will have a better foundation with which to make my choices, fear will not rule my reactions. When that happens, that is when it will be clear and I will be able to walk away, head held high and let their actions speak for themselves, unmuddled by my temper or harsh words.
Therefore, I keep my expectations. I expect I will be a healthier, happier person. I expect I will be a better partner, mother, friend and sister. I refuse to give up.