Who will I be when the last one walks out the door? Who am I now? How will I act when I am no longer responsible for anybody, when no one looks up to me for guidance or support?
I love being a mom. I loved being a mom of young children and of teenagers and of young adults. But as the last one packs, will I change? I think I will. I've never got a chance to live footloose and fancy free. I started working full time when I was 16, met my husband when I was 17 got married at 22 and started a family. At first, that was challenging yet so rewarding. When we got a grasp on things there was a lovely rhythm. And despite the fact that I failed in some ways, I was good, quite good, in others. I tried hard to be a good mom. Financially I was and am rock solid. I don't believe in debt and am not into taking risks. For the most part I'm conservative in my personal values but believe that the freedoms that many men and women died to protect mean that others should NOT have to live the way I do. I spanked, I must admit, but I would not if I had things to do over. I would do many things differently.
The kids are taking off, so now do I take up drinking and partying hard? Start frequenting night clubs? Get a set of wild friends? I'm doing a lot of golfing with my Boy Scout, meeting new people and looking for a new rhythm. A different beat that suits this unfamiliar life, with less responsibility and financial worries and a ton more peace and gratefulness than when I began this journey.
What next? Adapting to life with a really special man and I think I'll play the rest by ear.