Friday, May 27, 2016

Stronger and Wiser

As I continue to work hard at my recovery in Al-Anon, it has become very evident that I need a little more help than I am getting. Moving forward means some one on one with a professional and I am excited at the opportunity for growth. 

About 5 months ago, I gave it a shot but that one did not work out. In reference to AA, she remarked something about "If your going to drink the Kool-Aid". Al-Anon has been so much personal growth for me and I am inclined to talk to someone that has a little different take on the subject. When I spoke to this counselor about my fears, she kept pointing to people outside of me....doesn't she know that I was born with fear? The people around me aren't responsible for making me afraid....I have always lived in fear mode. I wore it like my very favorite soft sweater, surrounding myself with the comfort of that at home feeling. 

Not so much anymore but it rears its ugly head on occasion. I want to learn to feel it, analyze it and, hopefully, keep my big fat mouth shut until the feeling has passed. But more than that, I would like my default feeling to be much more detached and peaceful. 

It's work but so worth it.

1 comment:

  1. I was born into fear. A angry and violent alcoholic that ruled the home with his moods. I learned as an infant to not allow ripples in the family dynamic.
    I am now 45 and still fearful. Not of anything seen. I love snakes and spider and thunderstorms. I am afraid of the unseen. Making someone angry. Any type of confrontation. Afraid of anger.
    A few months ago I went to see a counselor who said that we need to find a way to have my fear walk beside me and not in front of me, dragging me along. I have come to the conclusion that it will always be a part of my life and hopefully one day I will not let it lead my life.

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