Had a wonderful weekend in Huntington Beach CA. The weather was gorgeous and, for the most part, the weekend was smooth sailing.
Just have to say how grateful I feel for the shortening duration of the "episodes" that were once a very prominent part of my life. By episodes I mean the time I spent in rage or anger due to the random events that triggered that fear inside of me. Now it is clear that it was just a voice inside of me saying, "You are NOT enough, you are NOT and will never be enough". Grateful for the knowledge that it is not true....I am OK.
So many people walk this earth being the victim, resenting others for things that they, themselves were responsible for, expecting others to make them happy. They are blind to their own mistakes and shortcomings because it is so much easier to say someone else did it. The 4th and 5th Steps of Al-Anon were the catalyst for drastic changes in my life. They allowed my to take personal stock, forgive my transgressors thoroughly, begin the process of forgiving myself and then start to climb up to a higher ground.
Enough of that.
The weekend was a great time of rest, relaxation, good food and much needed time alone. The only drawback for me was a pack of dogs that demanded some attention. It was good though....I didn't want it that way but I didn't let it build resentment or completely ruin meals or moments. I worked at letting it go and it went fairly well. Really big for me. Looking forward to another great weekend.
My Boy Scout has this orange hat that I love. I can go somewhere and pick him out from a distance. He can be out on the golf course, standing a little taller than most the dudes around him, sporting a substantial halting gait from years of habit and two new knees, with his hat that calls out to me, "I'm over here.....come and get me".