Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A Change of Direction is Good

Loving life these days.

Working my program and feeling fairly calm and peaceful. The relationship with my Boy Scout keeps moving forward in a special way and my relationship with the Secret Keeper has taken a new, softer path.

The Boy Scout continues to challenge me to communicate better, fight fairly and rebuild trust. Additionally, in a unique way all his own, he challenges my need to make everyone around me behave in a certain way so that I can feel safe. I have learned to keep my mouth shut on occasion....what a novel idea! The black and white has turned a little grayer.

The Secret Keeper continues to teach me about forgiveness, empathy and the reconstruction of relationships. As he tries to rebuild a life for himself while battling a pretty severe mental illness, I learn to not take offense when feeling manipulated and, with some ease, love the man that still desires to be a good dad. Sometimes, if I feel that heavy weight on my chest that makes it hard to breath, I can remember that sympathy and empathy are two very different things. I can attempt to walk in his shoes for a few minutes and then think about how my words or actions can ease the hard journey he is on.
How lucky can a lady be to come across two special men who love her even with all her many flaws and fears.

If I go back to my first few blog posts, I would say that I have traveled far further than I ever thought possible in just 1 year and 9 months. One thing that I have learned is that Grateful is a way of life and I've found nothing else that works better for me. Friends from Al-Anon have helped in a wonderful way as we all come together, broken and shattered, angry and resentful...and try to help each other find a more appropriate, healthier path.  

Despite that fact that I know I will always need to work at it, a change to my very core has taken place...how many people can say that?  GRATEFUL INDEED.

1 comment:

  1. Don't you wish more people would/could/should find their way to Alanon?? It's truly a life saving group.. Love the whole tone of this post. Yes to the gratitude and gratefullness. It makes life so much easier or better or maybe like you said...softer.


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