We must be true inside, true to ourselves, before we can know a truth that is outside us. But we can make ourselves true inside by manifesting the truth as we see it.
~Thomas Merton: No Man Is An Island~
Deceiving myself from the truth is so darn easy. It takes no effort what-so-ever because it is a default that was slowly built in so that I could survive in the world with the least amount of pain.
I am learning that I can survive pain and that it is a necessary part of life that can promote wonderful qualities if allowed to do what it does best. Hardships can aid in the building of resilience, patience, empathy and forgiveness. Sadly, they can also make one bitter, angry, distrustful, avoid community, unable to be vulnerable and just plain sad.
I’ve lived both ways. Finding out that it was my choice was astonishing. Changing the pattern has proved to be one of the harder things I have ever attempted. But the rewards are worth every ounce of effort I have inside of me.
Three things helping me to make the changes: gratefulness, embracing the situation (good or bad) and prioritizing. Not proficient but still taking it on, One Day at A Time.
There is no advantage, no profit, no growth, in deceiving myself merely to escape the consequences of my own mistakes. When I realize this, I know I will be making progress.
~ One Day at A Time in Al-Anon, March 18~