I do that but that is not me. I am a good person (or at least I try very hard) who does those things on occasion, who messes up in a big way but gets up, brushes myself off and then tries again and again and again.
There is improvement and that is what my focus needs to be. Getting better, being kinder, not believing the lies, taking responsibility for my own feelings, counting to 10, working through the fear. I have the tools that would enable me to do this. #1 lesson ignored this weekend was "Take Nothing Personally. #2 lesson ignored "No Expectations". Those would have helped. There are more....lots more.
This weekend there was a big curve in the road. Unfortunate but true. I lost it, big time! Later (too late), I had time to reflect. Next time, hopefully, reflection will come sooner; before the damage is done.