Friday, November 6, 2015

Step One As a Refresher

Step One-We admitted we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable.

It really goes way deeper than that, doesn't it? Of course we are powerless over alcohol. But the fact of the matter I am completely powerless over just about everything except my reactions, my attitudes and my ability to love and be loved.

What a freeing idea. One might think that this would put you into a state of weakness but far from it. It's wonderful to let go of all the things that were truly out of my control anyways. I couldn't see it, of course. Deluding myself to thinking I was able to maneuver and manage most situations. My Secret Keeper is NOT the one that made my life unmanageable, it was my own doing. Brought on by a child's warped survival techniques adopted due to heartache and pain and fostered by the calluses that protected my tender soul. Add into that a very large dose of ego and you've got an excellent recipe of unmanageability.

Too bad this lesson is not fully imprinted yet. Late nights, awake from fear, forgetting the lessons I've learned.  Thankfully, wrestling with the fears gets easier....taming them into a reasonable size is doable for this lady. I eventually remember to give them up to my Higher Power and, hopefully, get some good sleep.

Wishing you the peace and serenity the Step One has to offer.♥

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