Glory in Living

I fail and fail and fail....over and over again. I know the person I want to be but the transformation takes so damn long. Having the best of intentions, that old me takes over and grabs my thoughts before awareness manifests itself. Hijacked by the person I used to be. Almost like a split personality...the one that protects the host at any cost.

I fail but I pick myself up and attempt to clean up the devastation left from the storm.

It's so interesting that just a few months back I considered myself well on track to some major healing. But things have changed and the peace has been challenged in new ways leaving me to realize there is still a long way to go.

A few lessons from this weekend:

  1. Just because a thought comes to mind, does not make it a fact. It is just a stinkin thought. 
  2. Pain needs to be felt for what it is. Don't relegate the pain to another person in the hopes it might alleviate your distress. Feel it and know what it is.
  3. Learn to trust where it is deserved; laying aside those past hurts
  4. Learn to look at the actions of another objectively. Actions speak way louder than words. Trust yourself when your gut tells you something is just plain old wrong, regardless of your feelings for that person.
  5. Try giving it all to God first instead of a last resort.
I keep on trying.

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