A normal life seems just a hair's breadth away from me at any given time.
I know what it looks like...I think I know what it should feel like but it's not mine. Struggling with things I don't want to. Do I do it to myself or am I just a magnet for people who push my limits to a degree that makes me feel normal...FEARFUL?
Black and white is a terrible way to live......expecting everyone to fit into a comfortable mold. Can I handle being around someone that has behaviors that make me feel....less than, unable to measure up, sad and out of control? Those have been my "go to" feelings for a long time. The other option is that my expectations have changed and that they are fairly normal and it is someone else that has the real issues but the past makes me start to doubt my intuition.
The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle, which is where I would like to be. In the gray area with good boundaries, loving tolerance, my God in control and a very, very grateful heart.