Prayers vs. Fears

As I went back over my blog, I noticed a definite theme. Working my program, failing to work my program, working my program, failing to work my program.

Looking at the big picture, I know what the problem is. I have faith in God, I know that I was created by God and that he cares for me but the fact of the matter is that God is really busy and might overlook a situation that is important to me. Lack of faith. FEAR.

Fear still rules in my life at times. And, truthfully, though I want it to change, I'm not too hard on
myself. I learned to survive with fear and there were times that it probably served me well; protected me. A lifetime of behavior does not change over night. Sadly, I can still call up reasons to fear; like when loved ones are behaving in self destructive ways or when they are hurting me with words or actions. Those are the times I need to give it up to God. 

Where is the line in the sand though? Where do we say "God I give this to you" or "Fuck off, I'm don't have to live like this anymore". When do I pray, "God, they are yours to protect", or this isn't something that fits my lifestyle, time for larger, better defined, boundaries.  Hard questions.

If you were looking to me for answers....HAHAHAHA. I'm a baby at this game but I'm learning. If you have any answers, I'd love to hear them.

Have a wonderful day and leave your fear where it belongs....at the feet of your Higher Power.

Comments

  1. LollySeptember 28, 2015 at 3:47 PM

    Ha! Maybe we should exchange emails or phone numbers. I give it to God every single day. Some days...I don't know what the hell happens to me, but the answers are no where to be found. And FYI...I live in Illinois.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more