Back in the Saddle

We were married on my 22nd birthday. We opted for that day because our first date was on my 17th birthday and felt it was meant to be. We were young and happy and looking forward to a bright future. 

 The story didn't go the way I had planned but that's what I get for thinking I was allowed to decide how my story should go. What an ego!!! Since my "story" involves so many other people, how presumptuous of me. 

 I have learned that the important thing is becoming a happy person and allowing life to happen, only intervening when boundaries are breached or when someone I love asks me for help. It may seem like I'm not playing an active role in my life but not true. When I am working my program and doing what I need to do, excellent boundaries count for so much. They allow me to say "No" and "This is not working for me" and "This is what I need from you" without expecting someone to read my mind and with the expectation that I will do what I need to be fulfilled over the long term. This may sound selfish but it really isn't. The  happiness of the ones I love is ever on my mind, I just won't forget who I am in the meantime. 

 Coming back to my happier place after a number of weeks spent in my fear based living is wonderful. I was busy thinking about what might happen instead of living in the moment and it was drowning me in anxiety. Something I read from a blog that I follow really helped:

 There are two very important concepts drawn from cognitive behavioral therapy. They are: 1) The only thing you control in life are your thoughts and your actions; 2) Thoughts = feelings = actions. Studies show it is impossible to have a feeling without first having a thought. This is fabulous news, and validates the value of learning mindfulness and developing an awareness of your thoughts. If you can control your thoughts, you can affect how you feel and what actions might follow. Fear and anxiety live in future thinking   

 by Jamie Daniel, MS Holistic Divorce Recovery



Yesterday was my 30 year anniversary but, honestly, except for a little glitch in the morning, I just enjoyed the day. Grateful for a new, patient man who doesn't put up with my BS when I am out of control. Back in the saddle and working on my serenity....hope you are too.

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