Tuesday, August 25, 2015

A New Conversation

The anger and fear (or joy and happiness for that matter) I feel at any given moment are not me, they are a reaction to something happening in my life. My goal is to allow the anger and fear to flow over and then to let them go, almost like watching a scene on TV.  The scene happens and then it is gone...I do not become a part of that scene.

Since fear has been the largest stumbling block on my journey to serenity, it is the one I must cope with most frequently. The idea is that the feeling, FEAR, starts to rise in my chest. I recognize it, perhaps analyze why it's there if it is not obvious, allow it for a moment and breath deep and let it go. Way easier said then done but I'm giving it my best shot.

Permitting the fear to rule my life didn't work very well in the past (understatement of the century) and caused me to do many crazy things that will not be mentioned in this post since I have put enough of my crazy into past entries. I suppose everyone does this in their own way. Controlling, denial, sleeping too much, finding fault in others, self-medicating, victim-hood and over-shopping to name a few. An alternative needed to be found. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, which I have mentioned previously, is a tough read but it's a tough subject that needs addressing. Between this book, Al-Anon, The Four Agreements and my renewed faith in a loving God, the foundation for a new way to live is laid. Now to build upon it.

What I found while practicing this is that the mountain that is actually a molehill stays a molehill more often than not. It takes a lot of thought and self awareness and it takes struggling with the old reactionary broad that I was.......but I'll keep it up.....it's worth it.


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