Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Being Real

The beauty of the Al-Anon program for the died-in-the-wool Al-Anon is the ability to relinquish the need for perfection. Little by little, it ebbs away, the nagging feelings of anxiety when something doesn't fit the mold.

I'm loving this process in my new relationship. I'm not sure where this will end up. I know how I would like it to go but that is not for me to decide (not for me to force it to fit my desires). This relationship will happen organically, without my pushing and prodding. Falling back into my old habits at times, quick corrections are made without feeling guilty or beating myself up (MAJOR VICTORY). A great gift of the program is the knowledge that actions are what matters, not words. People can talk till they are blue in the face but it's the actions that matter. I want my actions to reflect the knowledge I have gained in the program, so I try to stop myself from digging. Finding the balance between the excavation of the past and just getting to know each other at a deeper level can be confusing. Boundaries of what is and is not my right to know start to blur. I have noticed that here and there my character defect of fear has reared it's ugly head, making me question my response to certain issues.

Keeping up the work, reading daily for reminders of what sane looks like. Knowing who I am and what I am worth and worthy of is a direct result of that work too.

I love this new life, knowing that I'm ok no matter what. What a gift....what a blessing.

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