I had a few teary moments and some sorrow but overall the day was just like every other day. Any tears shed were for what my kids had to go through and how much I wish that the father they used to have still existed.
He was an amazing dad and I remember feeling so blessed by his devoted attention to his job as a loving father. Being in the dental industry, whenever he was home in time for bedtime, he would lay each of them on the living-room floor and gently and thoroughly brush their little baby teeth. Even a little older than that....they seem to enjoy the time and would lay willingly and patiently. I remember the warm summer weekends where my Secret Keeper would shove branches in his hat, put mud on his face and play war with our kids and any other neighborhood kids who would like to join in. Him against the neighborhood. Fortunately, he managed to find the biggest, baddest water gun produced on the market, plus he managed to put a few smaller ones in his belt and pockets. The little ones were no match....terribly out gunned. They loved every minute of it.
Each kid has little love notes from him tucked here and there. The cottage in the back yard was built with love and an expectation that many happy hours would be spent there. Each child was the recipient of long bedtime stories and fervent prayers to our God for guidance and wisdom.
That man is now a stranger to me. Almost a character out of book I cherished as a young lady..
I don't mention all this because of my desire to have what I once had back. I mention all this because remembering it allows me to love and forgive and be grateful and move forward. I have moved forward. I am in love with a new man. A different man. God has been so gracious to put two wonderful men in my life.
My job is to accept today as it is, make amends for the wrongs I have done, not to overthink tomorrow and be grateful for the path that has been laid before me. Not an easy endeavor, but I keep plugging at it....One Day at A Time.