Underneath it all can be amazing blessings that astound! They're always there but they get covered, rendered invisible or maybe we just become blind. For me it was blindness. The weight of the world made me unable to see the real beauty lying just on the other side. The other side of self pity and shame.
As I peel away the ugliness, I have also been blessed by a new view of others. I suddenly see others gifts and beauty instead of focusing on their flaws. And when I don't, I am more aware and start to question the motives of my poor focus. This is especially helpful when feelings are so raw. One can rush into analyzing the meanings of conversations or a statement, easily taking the low road and thinking the worst of the other person.
What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future.
Yesterdays blog was painful. Right after posting, I did some self evaluation and changed my thought process. Got out of the poor me pity party. God has a plan for me that includes abundant happiness and I will try to trust in that plan and do my part. Al-Anon reminds me that expectations are premeditated resentments and resentments block out happiness. My expectations of what my family should look like are getting in the way of growth. I'm learning to let go of that.