Dreams Change

There are ups and downs in this walk to happiness.

Yesterday, after looking at a couple of houses to purchase, my youngest and I went to get a bite to eat. I saw a family coming into the restaurant that I really didn't want to talk to. We tried to be invisible but, alas, it didn't work.

They both came up and said their friendly hellos and awkwardly the man walked away. The wife stayed to make pleasantries. Both are intimately familiar with what happened to my Secret Keeper as not only do they live up the street from us but our two husbands worked together. She smiled and chatted and we exchanged all the normal inquiries and then she did it!

"I noticed your house is up for sale," with a large smile.
"Yes," I said, gritting my teeth as I pinned a smile on my face.
"I saw that Tina and Bob have both been there showing the house. Do you know them? They are friends of ours," she inquired, smiling even more broadly.
I mumbled something in reply, not having known the people she mentioned.
"We are all waiting anxiously to see how long it takes to sell," she says, showing even more teeth than I thought possible.

Thankfully, the conversation ended and she walked away and I was left with my thoughts. My growing resentment of how she monetized my loss. How fast and how much my dreams sell for, will give them a sense of value to their home purchase. The pictures of my Secret Keeper and I around the Christmas tree with our grown children and their spouses, chubby grandchildren running around on the tile we put in ourselves with the help of my sisters and their husbands are fading as she and her husband celebrate the increase of their equity that my grief cements for them.

I cry more tears, even though I assumed I had used my quota for the year. Yet I know that I am being self destructive. And I know that she is truly a nice person and would be appalled if she knew how much her words hurt yet, for the moment, I just ache.

One moment at a time. 9:00 will be a better hour.  8:06 will be a better minute.

Comments

  1. LollyJanuary 28, 2015 at 9:48 AM

    I have to be honest here...I cried while reading this. Especially at the end. I wish I'd been sitting there with you when nosy neighbor lady stopped to "chat". You are a much kinder person than I am. Wishing I could give you a huge hug. Hang on, Linda. Hang on...better days are coming.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more