Cutting Some Slack

A few weeks back, I had a rather big argument with someone I love dearly. On the day of our big family Christmas party (my first Christmas without my Secret Keeper) I was in the middle of a huge pity party. Pathetic but even the best of us do it once in awhile.  This person texted me a note basically saying "Buck up, stop whining and get on with life". All I could focus on was the "stop whining" part. It hurt, for so many reasons, like another item to add to my grieving list.

I'm nearly done with the anger and resentment I was fostering from the argument and am able to see my part in this situation. I had put this person on a pedestal. Unfair!  No one can survive up there forever. Eventually they will fall.  Had she been on solid ground, I may have been able to take the comments and realize that she did not mean for them to hurt, and that intentions count for much. But that is not what happened. What happened was a huge argument where very ugly things were said. While she threw bombs, I just kept telling her to shut the fuck up (not proud but want to be truthful). Good job Lin. Way to alienate somebody you love.

Eventually we apologized and hugged but there is a tremendous amount of silence from her end. It may be nothing but Al-Anon has taught me that I should only be concerned about my part of this situation. I will do my best and attempt to realize that she may be harboring resentments against me.  If so, those are hers to deal with. Meeting my own emotional needs is entirely my job and nobody else should be left on the hook for that. I will try to remember that when I am feeling especially vulnerable. I will also try to remember that next time she calls me when she is feeling bad. Hopefully, I will NOT let those other nasty feelings bubble to the surface and affect my attitude.


I've got so far to go.

My kindness commitment sucked that day but I keep trying.



Comments

  1. TAAAFFebruary 6, 2015 at 2:25 AM

    I recently had a program acquaintance tell me that I was spending too much time talking about my pain, with regard to the cancer. This was in reference to private conversations I had with her, not my sharing at a meeting. I was stunned, and as a result, went along with it, until she went home. A day or so later, I began to think about it, and realised, that what I'm inclined to think she may have been telling me, was that she couldn't handle hearing about it.

    I felt some small bit of annoyance, then could see the humour in it, and the slick way it was done - and remembered all of a sudden that Al-Anon isn't her primary program, she's an alcoholic. As is the way with so many alcoholics, regardless of what "it" is, it's all about her. When I thought of that, I could let it go, and remember that I have my own human frailties, and I need to remember that fact when I'm feeling judgemental. Bless you, and I could feel your pain as I read this post. Ouch.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more