Bringing out Xmas boxes, while necessary, was hard. As was attempting to string hundreds of light strands in the yard alone. Well not completely alone.
I had a little help but her lack of opposable thumbs was much less a hindrance than the unexpected and much needed rain that lightly misted me for awhile. Eventually the rain decided it was serious; at which time, all of us (moist boxes, two cats, one dog and a frizzy haired woman) made a mad dash for cover.
Escaping from the turmoil in my head, the car and I headed over to a "Meetup" that was suppose to be a movie and dinner with 14 strangers. My car and I sat in the parking lot and waffled back and forth. Finally the car won and drove away with me in it. NO movie and NO dinner. That's OK. It's not a failure....it's just life right now and it will get better with time. I am giving myself permission to feel the grief and loneliness that comes with the breakup of a 34 year relationship that remains complicated at best. Instead I headed to a great Nar-Anon meeting with some wonderful people, all trying to get through this life a little happier. I am grateful they are there and willing to be transparent.
I have been practicing mindfulness (when I remember to) and that has been a tremendous help. I am far less likely to beat myself up for one thing or another. Just accepting whatever is going on around me and embracing the sensations and emotions, not judging or doing anything at all.
I'll post a pic of lights if I ever them done. Either way, I wish you happy holidays, loving family, great friendships and the ability to be kind♥